Happy new you

May I wish everyone a really happy and healthy new year!

The start of a new year is often a time that we think about what we would really like to achieve in our lives, it offers the chance of a clean slate, a time when we can put negativity behind us and think about different ways and possibilities that we could improve ourselves in some way.

Although we can start off feeling very confident and positive about these planned-for changes, very often we find that it is nigh on impossible to keep to our original plans as we find 'real life' in the form of stresses, time limitations, challenging people etc. get in the way, and so we tend to give up.  And then what happens is that this episode of 'giving up' is stored in our mind as another little 'failure' to remind us how hopeless we are when it comes to achieving our goals.

Can I suggest a few hints and tips which may help you to achieve what you want to achieve, whether this is a healthy body, good grades in your exams, confidence at work?

1)Keep it simple - when thinking about your goal, make sure that it is realistic and achievable, and be very precise about exactly what you want to achieve.  Don't be tempted to stop smoking, lose weight and train for a marathon at the same time.

2)Give yourself a realistic time frame in which to achieve your goal.

3)Visualise how you will be when you have achieved it - really see yourself, feel the feeling, hear what people are saying.  The more detailed you can be in this, the better - perhaps you could even have an image or a photo to help keep you on track.

4) Make the time to have at least 10 minutes per day when you can completely relax and switch off, call it self-hypnosis, meditation, whatever you like, it is a brilliant way to de-stress and get rid of what I call the 'grrrs' - we all have them.

5) Be good to yourself, have healthy and spirit-lifting rewards to keep you going.

6) Notice how much better you are feeling.

7)THIS ONE IS REALLY IMPORTANT - if you have a day or two in which you 'fall off the wagon' this does not matter, there is no such thing as failure.  Just get back on again as soon as you can.

Good luck in whatever you wish for in 2012!

All the best,
Wendy x

Mindfulness

I am currently reading a fascinating book called 'mindfulness and hypnosis' by Michael Yapko, an American psychologist/hypnotherapist.

Mindfulness is sometimes known as meditation, but tends to be without the spiritual context which is usually referred to with meditation.  It involves being fully present in the moment, in other words focusing solely on what you are doing at that particular time and you can apply it to anything that you do, whether that is eating, driving, reading etc.  In essence it is 'being' not 'doing' so it involves endeavouring to switch off that part of the brain which over-analyses, cogitates, ruminates and so just allowing yourself and your body to be totally aware of that one thing that you are doing.

This type of technique is very difficult in our technology-driven, 24/7 world, as we often feel that we need to be doing and thinking about lots of different things at once in order to be efficient.  Women in particular are known to have 'multi-tasking' abilities, and this is seen as an advantageous, as time can be saved if you complete more than one task at a time.

However, I tend to feel that this way of living and working can lead to us being overburdened and stressed, and whilst a bit of stress is sometimes a good thing, if we are constantly on the go, trying to do several things at once, then our minds and our bodies can sometimes start to tell us that it is all too much, resulting in mental or physical illness.

I encourage all my clients to try to have a little time each day when they can just be still and quiet, not having to think about anything in particular, or do anything at all.  If you make a regular habit of having this peaceful time to yourself then you will really start to notice the benefit, mentally and physically.   If you really do not have time for this then the alternative is to be mindful in the things that you do - when you are eating, for example, completely be aware of all the tastes and sensations in your mouth.  Perhaps when you go for a walk, be conscious of the rhythm of your steps, the air on your face, the feel of your arms moving by your side.

Nowadays we all have a tendency to 'live in our heads' and I think that this means that much of what is there to be enjoyed and experienced to the full passes us by.

Consciously developing a mindful attitude will enable your mind to feel clearer, you will feel lighter and freer, and you will tend to feel a much deeper sense of well-being.  Mindfulness is now beginning to be recognised by mainstream medical professionals in the treatment of depression, resulting in many people achieving lasting relief from this debilitating illness.

Hypnosis, as Michael Yapko explains, is very similar to mindfulness in that the individual is going into a state of focused attention, but in hypnosis this tends to be a focus on the hypnotherapist's words, so in that sense it is like a 'guided' mindfulness.  I feel, however, that it can definitely give the same benefits, just by having that period of time when all other distractions are 'switched off', so that the mind can be allowed to rest and relax during the process.  In my opinion, in this way, hypnosis can be very powerful in that not only is the mind given chance to rest and recuperate, the suggestions made by the hypnotherapist gently guide the client to achieve their particular goals for treatment.

If you would like to book a free consultation, at which you can discover more about hypnosis and how it can help you, please ring me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

All the best,
Wendy

Depression

The recent tragic death of Gary Speed has been a great shock to all.  It seemed to colleagues and friends, as well as fans, that he had everything going for him - a wonderful supportive family, a great career and was generally well-loved and respected - that his apparent suicide is baffling and inexplicable.

We cannot know what was going through Gary Speed's mind at the time - sometimes people suffering from depression are so ashamed of their feelings that they become adept at hiding them, and to all intents and purposes 'appear' to the outside world as if everything is fine.  We can only guess that Gary's state of mind was clearly very disturbed at the time of his death and we have no way of knowing the reasons behind this, however it does seem to be that the stigma of clinical depression is still very much in existence, as many people feel ashamed and embarrassed to admit to being depressed.

It is vitally important that a strong message is conveyed to people that clinical depression is an illness (just like arthritis or diabetes) and people suffering from this CAN be treated, and ultimately achieve mental wellbeing. The wonderful Stephen Fry has done much to help in this area, having been very open and honest about his own bipolar disorder, but it still seems that the general consensus is that depression as an illness is poorly understood and even in some cases seen as a weakness in character.

I always urge people who come to me with symptoms of depression to go to their GP in the first instance.  It may be that there is a physical reason for their low mood, and this needs to be explored.  Whilst many people are reluctant to take medication, this can sometimes (along with counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy or hypnotherapy) be extremely useful.  

This is often quite a difficult time of year - some people may be thinking of lost loved ones, many are finding it hard to think of how they are going to finance Christmas, some people feel the sting of loneliness even more than usual.   If you are suffering, I do urge you to seek help, whether this is speaking to a friend or family member, contacting the samaritans or speaking to a medical professional.

My thoughts and prayers go to Gary Speed and his family.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Its all getting a bit mad

I have to admit to sounding a bit 'scrooge' like here, but - now that my boys are many years beyond the age of believing in Father Christmas - I tend not to get so excited about Christmas any more.  It all seems to start earlier and earlier each year, and gets more and more stressful, with adverts showing us perfect Christmas families all eating wonderful food, and unwrapping brilliant presents.

Many of us - particularly women - feel a certain pressure to make sure that everything is organised almost in a military fashion, with endless lists, nothing being left to chance, presents bought and wrapped beautifully, home-made cranberry sauce made etc. etc.  Where does this pressure come from?  To a certain extent it is media-driven, as all the images on TV, in magazines and newspapers can be imprinted onto our subconscious minds, and even if we say to ourselves that we are going to make things easier and simpler this year, there is a little voice in the back of our minds telling us, it is Christmas, so we should be stressed out trying to make sure that everyone else has a good time.   Also, it may be from well-organised friends, who tend to 'get everything done' back in September, so we are no doubt starting to panic if December has arrived, and we still have much to do.

I would urge you to make sure that, in the lead up to Christmas, you find time to be still and quiet, perhaps have a five-minute meditation.   This can be done quite easily - just sit or lie down, make sure you are nice and warm, and then focus on your breathing, breathing in through the nose for the count of 3 and out for the count of 6.  It may be that your mind wanders off, but you can just allow it to this, with practice you will be able to bring it gently back.  Perhaps lighting a candle or putting on some nice relaxing music may help.  By doing this regularly, you will find that you feel far less stressed or pressured.

Another thing you can do, is keep things as simple and fuss-free as possible - is the world really going to come to an end if you don't make a few mince pies, but instead you buy them?   Also try to focus on the really special things at this time of year - if you have little ones, their excitement at seeing Father Christmas is truly wonderful.  Look after yourself - light a nice fire, and toast some crumpets, watch an old film, stay away from shopping centres (most things can be ordered on-line these days).    If you have difficult family members who are visiting, tell yourself that its not for long, and be as nice to them as you can.

Weight loss for life, not just for Christmas

Many people are tempted at this time of year to go on quite extreme diets in order to get into the LBD (little black dress) for those Christmas parties.  Whilst adopting a long-term healthy eating plan is a good idea, I would urge people not to diet strictly in the weeks before Christmas.  The reason for this is what tends to happen is that the metabolism will slow down in response to the diet, and then during the holiday time once your guard is let down and the cake, mince pies chocolates etc. that you consume in huge quantities means that the weight (and possibly more) is all put back on again.  Losing a lot of weight very quickly is generally not a good idea, as it messes up the metabolism, and as soon as you start eating 'normally' again, the weight piles on very quickly.

I am pleased that a number of high profile women have decided to slim down, such as Jenni Murray, Pauline Quirke, Fern Britton and more recently, Dawn French.  They have all had their different ways of doing this, but it seems to me that Dawn French appears to be achieving her new slim figure in the most sensible way, eating healthier smaller portions, whilst taking more exercise.

The others have resorted to the Dukan diet, Gastric banding and Lighterlife, and whilst these methods do seem to have achieved their goal (although Jenni Murray reports to having put back quite a lot of the weight she lost in a recent 5-week holiday), I am convinced that it is not necessary to take such extreme measures in order to lose weight in a healthy, sustained way.

Very often, the clients who I see for weight loss therapy have emotional issues which they feel unable to deal with, and so this results in a tendency to overeat to comfort themselves.  By taking a good hard look at their life, and finding ways that they can comfort themselves WITHOUT food very often puts them in such a good state of mind, more controlled, calm and confident, that they no longer feel the need to overeat.

I also stress that food can be better enjoyed much more eaten in smaller quantities, savouring the taste and flavour in each mouthful, experimenting with all sorts of different ingredients, herbs and spices.  This, along with a new-found enthusiasm for moving about more (and this does not have to mean joining a gym, but simply walking is as good as anything) can achieve that slimmer, healthier body that you know is in there!

If you feel that you would like to discuss your weight issue with me and find out how hypnotherapy and NLP can help you, please email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk, or call on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429.

Declutter your life

I was reading an article recently about the effect a cluttered home can have on your weight.  Unlikely as it might seem, it is claimed that your home can be a reflection of the state of your mind and body.  We often hold onto possessions that we have no more use for, and they are stuffed into the cupboard or drawer, because we just cannot bear to throw them out.

To a certain extent, the same can be said for weight and outdated eating habits.

We hold onto weight for all sorts of reasons - fear of change, loss of identity, a desire to be protected - when actually we would feel so much better if we were to slim down.  Although our conscious mind knows that the latter is true, our sub-conscious protects us by keeping the weight on.  I see many clients who find it difficult to lose weight, and often the problem is that the extra weight and the tendency to eat too much of the wrong foods is often masking a deeper-seated problem which they would actually rather not face.

In a similar way, some people have a tendency to use the clutter around them as a kind of armour against the world, and they actually feel quite uncomfortable about getting rid of things.  This can even be taken to extremes, as in the case of the presenter of 'A Place in the Sun' Yasmin Harman's mum, who was a compulsive horder, and her 'illness' meant that Yasmin and her brothers and sisters had to finally step in and help her to gradually get rid of the endless clutter in her house, as there was hardly room to move.

Whether it is too much weight or clutter the person holds onto, it has to be acknowledged that the intention of this type of behaviour is to protect the person concerned.   So, if I am working with somebody who has such an issue I normally try to find out - under hypnosis - the root cause of the negative habit, and then negotiate with the part of the mind that is concerned, in order to suggest more appropriate behaviour which would still give comfort, but not result in a destructive and damaging outcome.  This can yield extremely positive results, as the client does not feel that they are having something taken away, and can still feel protected yet in a different and much more beneficial way.

If you feel that there is 'stuff' in your life, whether this be too much weight or too many possessions, that you want to be rid of, yet you are unable to let it go, do contact me to find out how hypnotherapy can help you feel so much lighter, in more ways than one.   I can be contacted on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Cheers

After a couple of indulgent weeks (first week in Italy, and then a few days in Norfolk - plenty of pasta, puddings and pinot grigio) Mr Chalk and I have decided to have a bit of a detox.  Normally I do not favour this type of regime as I feel that any benefit gained from going without all the usual culprits is eradicated as soon as you go back to them again and it is much better to eat and drink fairly healthily all the time.  But actually in this case we have decided to go without alcohol until Christmas.

Yes, that's right, until Christmas - that's two months of pre-Christmas parties and socialising, mulled wine and spiced cider on bonfire night, the lovely glass of red to accompany a warming winter stew .....   Are we mad?  Although neither of us are heavy drinkers, when we sat down and thought about it we did realise that we actually drank most nights - even if it was just a glass of wine - and it would be interesting to find out if we could even do it.

In order to make the path easier I have employed a few tricks from the trade - self-hypnosis and NLP techniques in order to trick my mind into thinking that I am not missing out, and actually the benefits will be so well worth it.  For me, the evening glass of wine is very much bound up with the tactile thing of opening the bottle, and holding onto the stem of the wine glass, so another thing that I have done is make sure that I have bought some really nice non-alcoholic alternatives to the wine, like elderflower and cranberry presses or perhaps different fruit juices topped up with fizzy water and put them in one of my lovely crystal wine glasses.  One thing I would suggest, however, if you are thinking about going down the teetotal route, is do not try the non-alcoholic wines - they are mostly quite disgusting!

Only a few days in, and so far, so clear-headed.  I have to say that my skin, eyes and hair are thanking me already - alcohol is known to dehydrate, and this is never a good think for us women of a certain age.  I have also had the best couple of nights sleep that I have had in years, and this seems to have the effect of putting me in a much better mood for the daytime.  Recent studies suggest that the quality and quantity of sleep that we have has a significant effect on our overall health, and there are strong links to lack of good sleep and obesity.  Having regular good quality sleep can also significantly help us to be better able to handle the stress in our lives so this has got to be good.

Maybe you feel that your body is telling you to look after itself a bit better, but you wouldn't know where to start as you feel it all sounds a bit difficult.  Hypnotherapy and NLP can really help when we want to initiate new healthy habits - call me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Fat chance of success

The government announced last week that tackling obesity is just a simple question of getting people to eat fewer calories, and exercise more.  Well, I wonder how long it took them to come up with that insightful and inspirational call-to-action.  I do think that most of us know already that this is really all it comes down to, it is just a question of HOW we actually do this.

It is my strong belief that people are eating more now, because most of the food they consume is processed junk - this is generally high in carbs, sugar and fat and leads to energy highs and then massive dips, when (sometimes just an hour or so after a meal) they then crave more of the same sort of stuff.  And so there is a vicious cycle created, where many children and adults are now addicted to junk foods, and are putting their lives at risk by becoming obese.

I have given a lot of thought to what needs to be done to tackle the obesity crisis, and this is my - somewhat condensed - manifesto:

Every child should be taught how to cook - this should be compulsory on the curriculum - good, simple, healthy meals that nourish and sustain.

There should be much more physical activity at school - not just sports, but also fun things - maybe dance, yoga, anything that gets children moving, including those that do not like competitive sports.

Fast foods/ junk foods should be taxed, and the companies that produce them should not be allowed to advertise.  This is a big ask, but it needs to be done.  It is a complete nonsense that MacDonalds is the sponsor for next year's Olympic Games.

Children and adults with obesity problems should be referred for hypnotherapy and counselling on the NHS - very often there is something going on in somebody's life which has triggered significant weight gain.  It can be a simple case of addressing these problems which can help somebody to get back on the straight and narrow.

There needs to be a culture shift in the way people eat - we need to take more time over our meals, they should be social occasions where everyone sits down at the table together - this should happen at home and at school.  Food should not be eaten on the run.


For the government to offer platitudes like 'we should eat fewer calories' is not at all helpful.   A truly sustainable long-term plan to tackle this epidemic needs to be thought out, otherwise the consequences are very disturbing.

If you have any comments on this or anything else, please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429 or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Overworked

I have spoken before about work-life balance and how difficult it is, particularly in a society where work seems to be bound up with identity, to endeavour to make time for family, friends, hobbies etc.    In my work I tend to meet a lot of people who feel the need to work incredibly long hours, and with the economy being very fragile at the moment, this is even more in evidence, as people feel insecure about their jobs.

Work should, at best, be rewarding, satisfying, provide us with an outlet for creativity and an opportunity to interact with others.   Unfortunately in a lot of cases, work can become so stressful, and people feel the need to work all hours in order to make sure that they are doing the job properly, and to keep the boss satisfied.

There is a fine line between being conscientious and doing the job properly, and actually becoming addicted to work, and this can so very easily happen.  With many people now owning a smartphone, we are forever tied to work as we can be contacted at any time.

There are many reasons for work addiction.  It can be that a person works too hard in order to avoid addressing other areas of his or her life that need to be addressed.   For some, it is hard to say 'no' to tasks, and then the person very easily becomes overloaded.   Sometimes it stems from a person's desire to feel 'needed', if maybe this is not happening within their private life.   At the base, there can often be a feeling of low self-esteem, and maybe even a 'voice' inside of somebody from our past - perhaps parent or teacher - telling us that we are lazy and no good, and we need to work harder.  There is often a need for perfection and control, perhaps somebody who works too hard feels that they have little control over their personal life, but in the workplace 'they' are in charge.

Often people who are in this situation realise that their addiction to work is unhealthy, and yet they are unable to become more balanced.   They find that their health, home life and relationships can suffer, and in this case it is really important to seek help.

Hypnotherapy and NLP can help in this respect by encouraging them to look at their life from a different perspective, in order to gain a better sense of balance.  It can also raise the person's self esteem and make them feel more confident generally, so they do not then feel the need to prove themselves in the work environment.   It can also make them start to relax, and feel much less 'strung out' by work demands.

If you feel that you would like to chat about how hypnotherapy could help you with work/life balance, do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me at wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

All the best,
Wendy

World Mental Health Day

The World Health Organization recognises the importance of mental health, and to this end is dedicating Monday 10th October 2011 as World Mental Health Day.  

Good mental health is more than just the absence of mental illness - the WHO defines it as 'a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community'.   I would add to this and make it even more emphatic in that somebody in good mental and emotional health feels balanced, calm and relaxed, fully able to ride life's ups and downs and very often, they enjoy good physical health too.

There is a tendency, when speaking of health generally, to separate the mental from the physical.   However, in my belief this is not helpful, as physical health impacts on mental health, as well as the other way around.  Somebody who has experienced chronic arthritis and is in constant pain, for example, will invariably be more likely to become depressed, just as somebody who is suffering from depression and anxiety often finds that their immune system is lowered, and they catch endless colds and flu.

I have always been aware of the strong mind/body link, but my work as a hypnotherapist continues to make this belief even more deeply held.   I am starting to do more work in the field of infertility, and I have noticed that some women hold certain negative beliefs (sometimes even without realising) about their bodies, and their ability to become pregnant.  These beliefs may be totally irrational and not based in fact, but they can actually have an affect on the woman's fertility.   Very often infertility is unexplained, and in these cases, there is (I believe) a strong suggestion of negative thought processes and beliefs.  By working with the woman and her partner, it is possible to instill a new sense of positivity and release old negative belief systems, which can open the woman up to the possibility of having a baby, and actually result in her body reaching a state of fertility.   Therefore, this is an example of the mind having a direct effect on the body.   The medical profession tend to view fertility as a very mechanical process, but I am convinced that there is a significant link here with the woman's mental and emotional state of health.   How often have we heard the story of the childless couple, who (once they have adopted a baby) then go on to have children of their own?

Once the mainstream can start to accept the fact that people are not just a presentation of symptoms, and treat people more holistically, then I believe that there will be a move towards a healthier society in general.

If you are concerned about your health in any way, and feel that hypnotherapy could help you, please do not hesitate to call on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

All the best,
Wendy

Cognitive Hypnotherapy

When I was given a kindle earlier this year as a mother's day gift, I was honestly not quite sure if I would get used to it.   I have loved books all my life, not just the words but also the feel of them and, not being particularly technical, I thought that using an electronic book may not be for me.  I was wrong.  Initially I have to admit that it did feel a bit strange not having that very safe, comforting, feeling of curling up with a book but I have adapted to it now, and I particularly love 'browsing' in the kindle shop - it means that my previous hobby of spending hours in bookshops can now be done whilst in bed/curled up on the sofa/on holiday etc.  However, as it is so easy to click on the 'buy' button I do have to be aware of the fact that my budget does have certain limits.

The kindle book that I am reading at the moment is 'Cognitive Hypnotherapy - what is that all about?' by Trevor Sylvester.   Trevor is a highly respected hypnotherapist who runs the Quest Institute in London, a hypnotherapy training organisation, and he has pioneered many cutting edge techniques, in particular 'word weaving', which is a way that the therapist can use the clients own view of the world (their words, their patterns of thinking, their own unique reality) to construct hypnosis scripts that really get to the heart of that particular client's problem.    Some hypnotherapists tend to use the same scripts on all the clients (a sort of 'one size fits all') and whilst this can have a positive effect, it is miles better to make the treatment adapt to the client, rather than the other way around.

Cognitive hypnotherapy is a unique combination of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which the NHS now  uses widely with its patients, and hypnotherapy.   CBT works by getting you to be aware of your thought patterns and emotions, and how they can sometimes run in a loop, which sometimes then becomes a vicious self-fulfilling cycle.   The therapist shows you that your thoughts are not facts, and you can challenge them - it is almost by standing back and looking at this pattern from a different perspective, you can be aware that it is possible to think and feel differently.

Where I believe CBT falls short is that the therapy still uses the conscious, analytical part of your brain to assess how you feel, and this is only ever going to give limited success.   Much more powerful, I believe, is a combination of CBT and hypnotherapy, where the negative thought patterns can still be assessed, but this time by the sub-conscious mind in hypnosis, and as this part of the mind is much more creative, imaginative an open to suggestion, deep longer-lasting changes can be made.   It is also possible to go back, in hypnosis, to particular events in the clients life, which are still causing significant problems, and the negative effect of these traumatic events can be 'dissolved' by hypnotic intervention.

Therapy has to be 'client centered' to be effective, and it is my believe that the best therapists around at the moment are using combinations of CBT, hypnotherapy and NLP in their practice in order to make sure that their treatment is tailored to the client.

In my practice, I draw on many different disciplines, as well as hypnotherapy.   No two patients are alike, and we need to be acutely aware of their 'world' before even attempting to help them.  By using elements of CBT, NLP, as well as hypnotherapy, I believe that I offer an effective method of achieving long-lasting positive change.

Call me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me at wendy@wendychalk.co.uk,  to find out how I can help you.

Best wishes,
Wendy

The Power of Storytelling

I was reading the Sunday paper last weekend, and I came across an article about a father whose daughter had suffered from the most appalling seizures whilst very young.  Her illness had a devastating effect on the whole family, and in order to get through this difficult time and to soothe his daughter, the father regularly told her stories.   This had the effect of calming the little girl down, but also made the father and the rest of the family felt better too.

Stories can really help to divert and distract, and can take us to a different world, but they can also guide us to more positive ways of thinking.  Throughout history, stories have been used in this way, the bible stories being some of the best known.

In my hypnotherapy practice, I regularly use stories and metaphors as the subconscious mind responds really well to this type of suggestion.  Whilst positive direct suggestion used in hypnosis (this would be the type of phrase such as 'you will only crave nutritious, healthy foods') is often very powerful, it is sometimes a bit too authoritarian for some, and so the subconscious mind can have a tendency to rebel against it.   Much more subtle is the story or metaphor which leads the client into what is technically known as a trans-derivational search, whereby the client can apply the message within, to his or her own situation.   I have seen quite remarkable results by using metaphors and stories, particularly with those clients who respond less well to direct suggestion.

One favourite story which I sometimes use for my clients is the following.  It can make them have faith in something which they cannot see, and which is seemingly impossible.  All sorts of magical things can occur, without us being able to understand the full process behind it, we just need to believe in them.

In 1640 Jan Baptista van Helmont, a Flemish physician and chemist, carried out an experiment.  He took a pot of soil, and a willow sapling and weighed both. He planted the little tree in the soil and carefully watered it for five years. At the end of the five years he then again weighed the willow tree and the soil. The tree had increased in weight by 164 pounds, but  the soil had decreased in weight by less than two ounces.

Where had the material of the tree come from?  Out of thin air. At the time nobody understood that plants take oxygen and carbon from the air to build their leaves and stems and flowers. Just because we don't understand a process doesn't mean it isn't happening. Every time you look at a tree you might like to remember that it's actually made out of thin air, and maybe also wonder about what invisible processes might be going on in you, right now.

It seems unlikely, but stories really do have the power to heal.  If you wish to find out how they can help to inspire change in YOUR life, then contact me on 01449 78044 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk

Have a good week,
Wendy.

Hypnosis and IVF

In 2004, a team from Soroka University in Israel found, in a study of 185 women given IVF treatment, 28% of the women in the group who were hypnotised, became pregnant, compared with 14% of those who were not.  The findings of this study was presented to the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology conference in Berlin that year.

The Israeli researchers were looking to see if hypnosis could make the embryo transfer stage of IVF more successful.  Their belief was that if the womb contracts during this stage, it can affect the chances of the transplant being a success.

Whilst there have been few studies to prove that hypnotherapy can improve the success rates of women going through IVF treatment, there can be no doubt that any treatment which helps reduce the massive stress levels encountered by couples going down this route is a positive thing.

Unless you have endured the pain of sub-fertility (I prefer to call it this, rather than infertility or even worse childlessness) you can have no idea of what these couples go  through.  The stress comes from all quarters, not just the sheer physical toll that IVF treatment can take on you.   The emotional factors are even more traumatic.  The main one is the feeling that you may never have a child of your own, and this can be described as a type of grieving, but in some ways far worse, as you can never move on.   Often, well-meaning people (usually those with children, conceived easily and naturally) will urge you to 'accept the fact that you cannot have children' and just move on with your life.   Having experienced sub-fertility and then IVF treatment myself, I can honestly say that this type of advice made me quite angry.  How dare these people presume to give you advice on something that they have no idea about? I was always very sure that it was my destiny to have a child, I just could not imagine my life without children and I very much feel that it was this belief that eventually led to us being blessed with our two wonderful boys.

And yet it is very hard to nurture a belief, that despite the odds being against you, you will one day hold that baby in your arms.  The medical profession often just relies on hard, cold facts, purely the physiological, and not the emotional or psychological factors that play a part.   And this is so important.   I am forever indebted to Robert Edwards and Patrick Steptoe, who pioneered IVF treatment - they were medical men, Edwards a Scientist and Steptoe a medical doctor - and, as a result of their wonderful work, Louise Brown, the first IVF baby was born, followed by many thousands of others.   Robert Edwards subsequently received a nobel prize in 2004 for his pioneering work, and not before time.

I strongly believe that, in addition to having the best medical treatment that you can afford, it is important to make sure that your state of mind is as relaxed as it can be, and this is where hypnotherapy along with other complementary therapy treatments such as acupuncture and reflexology, can help.  Medical professionals now accept that the mind-body connection is very important in achieving a good, healthy outcome for all sorts of interventions.

Hypnotherapy can be very powerful in removing subconscious blocks to having a baby (it may be that years ago you had an abortion, and perhaps you feel that this means you do not deserve another chance at parenthood or maybe you were abused as a child, and subconsciously this is stopping you from becoming pregnant).   I feel that, in working with couples in this situation, it is very important to work on removing any negativity, prior to then installing relaxation techniques, as well as creating very strong and detailed visualisations.   I then also prepare a CD for use during treatment, as I recognise that this time (particularly implantation, and then the 2 weeks following this) is most stressful.

If you would like to have a chat about how hypnotherapy can help you, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429, or email me at wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Wendy x

Angry, very very angry

Much has been said, post-riots, about the possible reasons for 'breakdown' Britain.  Until now, I have not wanted to add my comments, but a vicious unprovoked attack against a loved one, has left me reeling and actually quite angry, so I am trying to make sense of how we have got to this state of affairs where it does seem that there is a strata in society which has a complete lack of decency, consideration for others, or a sense of responsibility for their actions.  Having said this, I am aware that this only makes up a certain portion of society and it is also true that there are many good, kind people out there coming from all different backgrounds.

Although I do think that the government were right to act quickly and firmly in handing out harsh punishments after the recent riots, there is also the need to think what can be done at the 'root' level which will allow society to recover a sense of moral responsibility.

This is a complex issue, but I think that it starts with the family.  My belief is, and I am not really sure how this could be put into practice, that families who are seen to do their best to provide a firm, secure and loving base for their children should be rewarded in some way.  By the same token, and this will be very controversial, but it has to start somewhere, a system has to be put in place whereby people who are in work (whatever kind of work that is) are always going to better off, than if they were to be on benefits.

Many people tend to attack single parents, but I believe that this is not helpful.  There are many single-parent families who, I know, provide loving stable families.   However, as a country, we have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancies, and personally, I do not think that there are many teenagers who are emotionally mature enough to provide good, stable parenting.   So, there has to be very strong deterrent for young girls to get pregnant.    This would involve encouraging them to work towards a career, and giving a very strong message that by having a baby, this would severely hamper their career or job progress.   Also, I feel that it would be a really good idea to provide teenage mums with a place in a hostel with other mums, not their own flat or house.   This may have the effect of putting some teenagers off the whole idea of having children.

It does seem that there is a lack of strong male role models, both at home and in early-years schooling.  I was reading the other day that only one in four primary schools in the UK employ at least one male teacher, and so this would mean that a child of a single mum who is attending primary school is, in all likelihood, without a signicant male role model in his life.  Who does he then have to emulate?    Footballers?   Pop stars?  Not a great deal of moral fibre there.

I know that there is never going to be a return to the 'traditional' family, 2.2 children, mum at home cooking dinner, and dad out at work and I really wouldn't want this, BUT unless we address this issue soon and make sure that children have stability and discipline in their young lives, then things will only deteriorate further.

I do realise that this blog is coming over very 'Daily Mail' ish, so apologies for that, but sometimes its good to rant.

On another tack, I realised the other day that, although I encourage most of my clients to set aside a half hour each day for self-hypnosis.   I havn't been doing this myself and thought that it would be particularly beneficial after the recent upset, so I have decided to get back into the habit of practising this each day.   I know that it reaps benefits, in allowing all the stresses and anxieties to 'mulch' down, so enabling a new sense of peace and calm.   You can also address specific issues, but writing down a clear, simple affirmation beforehand and repeating it to yourself several times, just before the self-hypnosis.  Until you try this, you really have no idea of how good it makes you feel, particularly if you keep the habit going longer term.  

I would welcome any of your comments to my blog, but in the meantime, all the best,

Wendy x

Birthday girl

Its my birthday today, and whilst I am still hanging onto the last little bit of my forties, I find that I start to reflect on the last decade, and what has happened in my life, as well as what I am hoping for over the next few years.

For several years now, we have not tended to print photos out, so like many people, they are all 'trapped' on discs and PCs.    So yesterday, we decided to have a good trawl through of all our photos from the last few years, and it was amazing to see all the places that we have been to, and the family and friends, and how they have altered over the years.  I was surprised to find out that there were many events and trips that I had completely forgotten about.

Sometimes we tend to go through life in a sort of fog, not really taking note of what is happening around us, so that those really special times are just rolled into the hubbub of the rest of our lives, and not lived to the full.

I am so incredibly lucky that I have reached a stage in my life where I feel settled in both family and career, and although I have the usual worries of people in mid-life (teenage children, university fees, elderly parents with health problems) I am grateful to have good health myself, be surrounded by a wonderful friends and family, and to live in a really nice part of the country.  

Above all, what I find particularly satisfying is to be able to have a job where I am able to change peoples lives (that sounds a bit boastful, doesn't it?).   Very often my clients come to me in the depths of despair, as they feel completely helpless to get themselves out of their situation.    Through hypnotherapy and NLP, we can start to find a pathway out of this negativity, which leads them to a solution.   As this is a solution which THEIR subconscious mind has found, this tends to be much more healthy and sustainable in the longer term.  There are not many jobs where your clients ask if they can give you a hug, because they feel so much better.

So, on this my birthday, I am going to make a little wish to be able to carry on helping lots more people with hypnotherapy, in addition to making the most of all the special moments in my life which all too often pass by without me taking notice of them.

Wendy
x  

For the journey

When my son rang me to tell me that he had passed his driving test, I tried not to be too surprised.   In truth, and this sounds really negative, I did not expect him to pass first time.   Very few of his friends had passed first time, and from what I hear about the driving test now, it is significantly harder than it was 'in my day'.   We did not have a written exam, and the actual practical test was only about 15 to 20 minutes long, with a couple of questions at the end.

I really do not believe that we are 'good' or 'bad' drivers.   It is rather our ability to learn, and then apply this practically which is key, being able to maintain that state of focus and concentration, so that we are constantly aware of potential hazards.  The difficulty then comes (and this has happened with several of my sons' friends) that in an exam, people can often be so overcome with nerves, that to achieve this state of focus, whilst at the same time being fairly relaxed becomes impossible.  If the result of the driving exam is then a failure, the memory of this can be sometimes 'locked-in' to the student's head, and cause even more nerves at the next attempt.

Hypnotherapy is excellent in this case, in eliminating those exam nerves and enabling you to get into that state of what I call 'relaxed alertness', feeling in control, calm and steady.  It is also possible to mentally 'scramble' past failed attempts, so that they no longer have a negative effect on your ability to remain calm.

 It is also really helpful for people who have actually been driving for a number of years, but are very nervous drivers, perhaps due to an accident.

Sometimes, all that is needed is a couple of sessions to boost confidence, and to learn to deal with nerves or any past negative experiences, and you actually feel so much better.

Living in the countryside as I do, driving is an essential skill for many of us, and if we can make it a pleasurable and safe experience, this is all the better.

If you would like to have a chat to me about this, or any other issue, please get in touch on 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

La belle france

Last week Mr Chalk and myself were sunning ourselves on the marvellous Normandy coast, near to Arromanches.   A wonderful time we had too, the first time away without the children, so we were able to do as we pleased, and not spend our time hunting down theme-park/sporting/generally expensive activities which could keep our teenagers amused.

Simply enjoying the wonderful food, scenery, going for loads of walks and reading was enough to keep us very happy indeed, and we have both returned feeling refreshed and relaxed.

The French seem to do many things really well, and this includes food - those wonderful displays of cakes, biscuits and chocolates in their patissiers really are quite wonderful to behold, and Mr Chalk and I could regularly be found dribbling at shop windows in awe.   Presentation seems to be something that they pride themselves on, as well as taste.   Markets show colourful, and spectacularly displayed arrays of fruit and vegetables, and restaurants and cafes pride themselves on the way they serve their food, from a magnificent tray of seafood, to a little cafe creme, served in a dainty cup.

This makes it all the more strange that, in other areas, they do not appear to be bothered at all.   At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old woman, I was dismayed at the amount of dog poo on pavements and along the beach promenade.  It was a resort where there were a lot of families on holiday, and so really this was inexcusable.  There was even a bag dispenser on the beach front, which dog owners could use, if they had forgotten their own, but sadly this was not being used.  

Public conveniences on some beaches, too, were really quite disgusting, involving the dreaded footplate (never a good way to keep toilets clean and hygienic) and the smell was enough to put you off your croissant.

This attention to detail and pride for some areas of life, in contrast to a seeming disregard for other areas, is quite strange.   It is as if there is almost a 'blindness' or a selective filtering of information which is important, and that which is not important.   Every country probably has their different cultural idiosyncracies, and sometimes these can seem conflicting to the outsider.  But actually to the natives, this is the way they live, and they themselves do not find anything strange about it.

In the same way that a country can have its strange quirks, as individuals we can also possess characteristics that, to another person, would appear strange and contradictory.   But, we are all unique individuals, and we have all faced a whole range of life experiences, lived with different stresses and had to cope with differing family circumstances.

What is important is that through our experiences, our subconscious minds always work for our benefit, protecting and looking after us, even if this means that the resulting behaviour is unpalatable.   So, for example, a person who comfort-eats may have began doing this in order to make themselves feel better about a situation.  Similarly a person who is anorexic, limits their food in order to have some control in a world which to them, feels very out of control.

In order to address these sort of negative behaviour patterns, it is necessary to re-direct the subconscious mind to find better, more appropriate ways of feeling good, other than resorting to destructive and life-limiting habits.  Hypnotherapy does this brilliantly, by gently guiding the subconscious mind to make its own search for positive and life-enhancing ways that the individual can feel good about themselves again.

If you would like to have a chat with me to find out how hypnotherapy could help you, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352, or 0871 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

And no, of course the poo problem has not put us off France .....









 

For some odd reason, my last blog was cut short, so here is the rest of it:

We cannot begin to know the extent of the grief suffered by the Norwegian people at the present moment, but what is really inspiring is the way that they come together, and support each other.   Their spirit can be symbolised by the attitude of the Norwegian PM, who has argued that we need to respond to such terrorist acts with more democracy, whereas our PM, David Cameron has stated that we need to be more ever more vigilant against this type of atrocity.  To me, these different attitudes represent on the one hand a need to insist even more on a fair, free and diverse society and on the other hand a society which encourages suspicion and fear.

The Norwegian court was absolutely right to deny Anders Behring Breivik the chance to present his 'manifesto'.    This man's acts do not represent political or religious viewpoints, they are simply representative of a form of psychosis, an extremism which has led him to commit these atrocities.   In fact there is an anonymous campaign underway on the internet to sabotage his manifesto, by getting people to 'spoil' it in all sorts of ways and send it on to others to do the same.  Personally I think that it should be completely ignored and discarded.  

By far the best way to help at present is to send our support and love to the Norwegian people in any way that we can.   They have an idomitable spirit and fortitude which will help them to endure, but to know that they have the global community on their side will hopefully give them strength to get through this difficult time.

Wendy x

It felt very strange to wave off my son, driving my car, on his own, last Thursday.  I know it may sound like a cliche, but it only seems five minutes since he was driving a little orange cozy coupe around the yard.  Time seems to fly by so quickly, and, as the events of the weekend have all too brutally reminded us, life is transitory and fragile.  

Bully boy tactics

It is a sad fact that many of my clients report to having been bullied at some point in their lives, and whilst it is often true that bullying tends to occur mainly during childhood years in the playground, adults can suffer from being bullied too.

Listening to the comedian, Michael McIntyre on 'Desert Island Discs' the other day, I was astonished to find out that he has been the target of much hostility from other more 'edgy' comedians.   There seems to be something about his wholesome, family friendly act that they appear to dislike intensely, in fact one comedian, Stewart Lee described him as 'spoon-feeding his audience warm diarrhoea'.   In fact at the British Comedy Awards earlier this year, McIntyre suffered relentless barracking from fellow comedians and he and his wife were shocked and distress at the extent of the nastiness of some of these comments.

To me, it is quite clear that their hostility is due to their own insecurity and relative lack of success and this is something that I explain to many of my clients that I see who have been bullied.   Very often the bullies can see something very special, different and talented that they themselves do not possess, and never will.   However, this sort of information, whilst comforting, may not be enough to make the person on the receiving end a whole lot better.  

Hypnotherapy and NLP can really be of help in this regard, by using techniques and suggestions which go directly to the sub-conscious mind to make the client feel confident, protected and strong - if you like, developing a really thick skin (or even shell in some cases!) which means that anything negative just bounces off, and no longer has the power to cause harm or distress.    These sorts of techniques can be particularly useful to children and what I often find is, that with this new-found confidence and resilience, the bullies soon tire of their stupid cowardly ways, as they no longer receive a response.

If your child (or maybe even yourself) is being bullied, do contact me in confidence to find out how I can help . My number is 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

One day I'll fly away

Its getting near to holiday time now, and many of you will be jetting off to all sorts of interesting places.    Or maybe, if you are one of the many people who have a fear of flying, you will be going somewhere closer to home or perhaps have planned a long coach/train/boat journey to get you to your destination.

Probably as a result of all the great holidays my dad planned for us when we were little, I (along with my brother) have inherited a love of travelling.  These were only to the Isle of Wight or to Devon or some other place within the UK, but the memories of these trips have stayed with me, including the excitement I felt prior to the actual holiday itself.

I really do love everything about holidays, from the planning, the packing, the actual travel itself and of course once you get there and experience different sights, people, landscapes, even smells.   It does broaden the mind and makes you feel that there is a huge world out there, and your little corner is just a very minuscule part of it.   Since adulthood, I have travelled reasonably extensively to some wonderful destinations, including  Canada, the USA, Cuba, Thailand, Sri Lanka and to many countries within Europe, too.   I am so thankful that I have been able to do this, and Mr Chalk and I are looking forward to many years to come when we can visit those places that we still want to see.

I realise for some people that, because of a fear of flying, they are limited to the places they can travel to.   This may be OK if they are happy to not go very far afield, but for some, there is a sense of frustration that they will never be able to see those exotic places which they have always wanted to visit.  In addition, they can feel that they are letting down a partner or loved one by not being able to travel by plane.

In my experience, hypnotherapy is one of the best ways to conquer a fear of flying, and it often needs only a couple of sessions to make a real difference.  Very often the fear is related to a bad flight experienced in the past, and through an NLP technique called 'fast phobia' this memory is very quickly scrambled, so that it loses its control over you.    In addition, relaxation or breathing exercises can be taught which will help with any remaining pre-flight nerves.   I have witnessed quite astounding results, and my clients typically tell me that, from being paralysed by even the thought of air travel, they were able to actually enjoy the flight, after hypnosis treatment.

If you would like to try hypnotherapy for a fear of flying, or indeed, if there is any other phobia that you are keen to see the back of, do please give me a call on 01449 780352  or 0781 715 8429, or alternatively email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Happy holidays,

Wendy
x

Letting go

I have recently been going round to various open days with my son, who is intending to go to music college in 2012.  This scares me in a number of ways, not least the fact that we will be considerably poorer, but also the idea of imagining my son on his own and looking after himself for the first time.   We have always taught him to be fairly independent, and I'm sure he would be able to cook basic meals, but occasionally things happen that remind you that he is 'not quite' an adult yet.

He is going off to Latitude next week, and during a chat the other day, he asked if it would be alright if he left his money in his tent.  There then ensued a lecture from my husband about how no-one can be trusted in this crime-ridden age, and so should purchase a specially fortified 'money-belt' to keep all his valuables in.   Searching the 'festival' website, but it was deemed that none were 'cool' enough for him to have about his person at Latitude, so other options such as keeping it in his sock, in his mobile phone wallet or just in his pocket were discussed but summarily dismissed.

We eventually found a solution, but it was interesting for me to realise just how trusting my son is, and how, when he goes away, he is (by necessity) going to change and become much more streetwise.  Whichever college he goes to, it is likely to be in a major city (London, Birmingham or Manchester) and I am sure, coming from a tiny Suffolk village that this will be a culture shock.  However, even from a young age, he always seems to have felt quite at home in big cities, and he does generally like the vibe.  So, from this point of view, I'm sure he will be absolutely fine.

I don't sound convincing, do I?

The next year will go really quickly, and then before we know it he will be packing up all his worldly goods and fleeing the nest, so I have resolved in the meantime to enjoy his company while he is still here - this would include his music - piano, flute and saxophone - that we take for granted at the moment, but which floats downstairs to our kitchen, giving it the feel of a jazz club.   But also his cheery personality, his funny 'food quirks' (a liking for fondant icing, and paxo stuffing - not together, I hasten to add) and his wicked sense of humour.

But I know that eventually I will have to let him make his own way and that this will be hard.   As a mum, we spend so many years looking out for our offspring, and so when kids do eventually gain their independence, it is often hard to adjust.

I think that it is important that we look at this stage as a new stage in 'our' lives too, a time when we can learn new things, perhaps start a new job or hobby, meet new people.  

But, of course, still being there for them when they come back ......

All the best,
Wendy x

Jumping on the band wagon ?

Some of you may be aware of the 'gastric hypnoband' - a technique used by many hypnotherapists for weight loss, where the individual wants to lose a substantial amount of weight, and has a BMI in excess of 30.   This works by literally convincing the subject that they have had a real gastric band fitted, and so they are only able to eat tiny amounts of food.  For those people who are clinically or morbidly obese, this represents a healthy, safe way to lose a large amount of weight, without resorting to actual surgery, which at best causes extreme discomfort, and at worst can even be fatal.  It is also important to stress that during the hypnotherapy, the client is also helped to confront the psychological and emotional reasons for his overeating, which is not the case with actual bariatric surgery.

I have had many requests for this type of treatment, and up until now, this is not something I have offered.   One of the reasons for my hesitation to offer this type of treatment was that it seemed to be somewhat of a gimmick, and possibly capitalising on the popularity and more widespread acceptance of actual gastric banding surgery.   However, having spoken to a number of colleagues who are using this method to extremely good effect, I have now decided to offer gastric hypnobanding, and I will shortly be taking a course, which will qualify me to offer this treatment.  

What has made me change my mind?

The cynical amongst you would say that I am now 'jumping on the band wagon.'    I would reply that yes, I do have to make a living, and if most other hypnotherapists are now offering this treatment, then I have to be able to compete with them.   However, it is not only this factor which has made me decide to go in this direction.   The obesity crisis is a disturbing fact, and all around us we see people struggling with their weight, trying new diets, going to slimming clubs, taking diet pills, but this does not seem to be having any effect - in fact it only seems to be making things worse.   Therefore if I can help somebody to shed weight in a healthy way, at the same time helping them to cope with the anxiety and the emotion that has made them big in the first place, then I feel that this is a worthy cause.   Sometimes extreme health issues call for 'extreme' treatments and so to me, the gastric hypnoband option offers a much more healthy and natural alternative to painful and sometimes life-threatening surgery.

If you would like to chat to me about weight loss treatment, I would be pleased to see you for a free consultation - please call me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.  I look forward to speaking to you soon!

Mental massage

When a client comes to see me, I generally recommend a course of treatment lasting between 3 and 6 sessions, as I am of the opinion that therapy does not need to be lengthy to be effective.   I do, however, have several clients that I see on a monthly basis, who feel that these regular hypnotherapy sessions are great for relaxation and general well-being.

It was interesting to read, therefore, that the comedian Jack Dee has admitted to having regular monthly hypnotherapy sessions, and he likens them to a 're-set' button on a computer, just having that time when you 'un-plug' and then power everything up again.   He claims that these sessions have kept him free from depression and compares them to a sort of 'mental massage' which enable his brain to function healthily and his mood to be kept stable.  

I really like this idea of the 'mental massage' - in an age when life is increasingly busy and complex and confusing, it is hugely beneficial to smooth out all those neurons and synapses, and enable them to have some 'down time' in order to get back to functioning at full speed again.   In 2009 a study carried out at Hull University found that there were actual physical changes on brain scans carried out on hypnosis subjects, to the effect that the brain was 'primed' to absorb positive imagery and suggestion, or maybe to block pain, depending on the effect required.

All I can say is that many of my clients - even those who find it difficult to relax - really enjoy the hypnotherapy sessions, and tell me that they feel much more calm, relaxed and able to cope with stresses afterwards.

If you feel that you could do with a 'monthly mental massage' do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0871 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.  I look forward to hearing from you!

The root to happiness

Have you noticed how you often build things up to be much worse than they actually turn out to be?    I am guilty of this too, as last week I had to have dental treatment on a tooth that already had a very deep root filling in it already, so was already much more filling than tooth.  During the days leading up to the treatment, I was having all sorts of depressing thoughts, most of which involved me having to have the tooth taken out.  I am not actually frightened of the dentist, and don't mind going at all as our dentist is lovely, however I was really fearful of losing this tooth, and of the affect that this would have on my appearance and my confidence.

When it came to the actual day of treatment, I needn't have worried at all, as my clever dentist managed to remove the bit of tooth, and did a lovely job of filling it, so I was very relieved to come away with my smile intact, even though I was £100 poorer.   I felt so happy when I left - mind you, this might have been the anaesthetic, that I did a little skip when I came out - so, if anyone saw me in Stowmarket, they must have thought look at that bonkers woman with the lop-sided jaw, jumping into the air!  

I have spoken before about celebrating little daily victories, and this is just the sort of thing that I mean.  Those times when something turns out really well, or somebody we meet inspiring us, or even just a beautiful sky.   The more that we can tune our own personal filter into noticing these types of situations, and more importantly being thankful for them, the more they tend to happen.  Try it!

If you feel that you are finding it difficult to feel optimistic at the moment, hypnotherapy may help to lift your mood.  Contact me on 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Rogue trader?

I am delighted that the Royal Society of Medicine (RSM) has recently endorsed the practice of hypnosis in being able to reduce stress and pain.  Jacky Owens, the president of the RSM's Hypnosis Section, said "Conditions such as depression, pain and irritable bowel syndrome affect millions of people in the UK and at great cost to the NHS.  But hypnosis can often work where other treatments have been unsuccessful".    It is really pleasing that the mainstream seems to be waking up to the benefits of hypnosis, and not dismissing the therapy as mystical hocus-pocus, as may have been done in the past.

The RSM suggests that medical professionals should be offered training in hypnosis, in order to be able to use it as 'another tool in their treatment programme'.  This is an excellent idea, however I am not sure that, in practice 'bite-size' hypnosis would really work.   At present GPs are allotted 10 minutes per patient, and this would certainly not give enough time for a proper consultation, as well as conducting the hypnosis session.   In my training and subsequently through experience, I have found that the longer one  takes to induce a hypnotic trance, the more effective the subsequent suggestion therapy seems to be.  Hypnotherapy's strength is in the way it allows the client time and stillness, in order to combat stresses and anxieties, which in my experience seem to be at the root of most presenting issues.

Ms Owens of the RSM warns that vulnerable people need to be protected from rogue practitioners, and this is absolutely true.   I always advise people to check the qualifications and accreditation of their hypnotherapist, as there are a significant number who are not registered, and should not be practising at all.

However, we are not all rogues, and in the absence of medically-trained hypnotherapists, I believe that it is perfectly acceptable to seek treatment from a hypnotherapist who is properly trained and accredited to one of the main hypnotherapy associations.  I am a member of the NCH (National Council for Hypnotherapy) and the GHR (General Hypnotherapy Register) - these are the two main hypnotherapy bodies in the UK, and they require you to have completed a Hypnotherapy Practitioner Diploma, in order to become a member.  This entails practical training and assessment with an accredited training school, in my case this took place over 10 weekends.  In addition to this I am a BA (Hons) graduate, and I am also constantly adding to my knowledge with CPD (continual professional development).

Therefore, whilst it is encouraging that the RSM are advocating the use of hypnotherapy, I also think that it is important that they accept that there a number of well-qualified, professional hypnotherapists in the field that they could feel confident in referring their patients to. 

I would welcome comments to this blog - send me an email wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Skin deep

The other night Mr Chalk and I settled down to watch 'Bums, boobs and botox', a new documentary on Channel 4, a fly-on-the-wall show about the work of the cosmetic surgery performed by 'Transform'.  

What amazed me was how this type of work is sold and promoted - on the one hand you saw a group of ladies sat round with nibbles and wine, watching a procedure being carried out, with all the gore and blood on show.   Can you believe, however, that they took £21,000 that night?   What happened to good old Avon or Body Shop parties?    You then saw a shot of their 'call-centre' staff trying to persuade people to come along and have a consultation in order to find out what work needed doing.   Presumably these sales staff are all medically trained?......

There are evidently some people who have such disfigurement, that it is ruining their lives, and surgery is the best option.   However, with most of these people, they looked perfectly OK beforehand, and one cannot help wondering how much the clinic preys on their insecurities, and makes healthy profits from them.   The media and the press quite evidently do not help, with their images of 'perfection' - teenagers are all too aware of this, and many neuroses develop in adolescence because of bullying from others, but also their perception of what constitutes a perfect body, and how image is so important.

What saddens me, is that with many of these people, they feel that their lives will only start once they have a certain procedure, but they then become addicted and they cannot stop having surgery.   Obviously clinics such as 'Transform' are run on a profit-making basis, and the moral issues here are quite neatly brushed under the carpet.

I felt really sorry for the chap who had a hair transplant, and after nearly 2 months of what appeared to me a really painful, lengthy procedure, it just looked like a very sparse few rows of grass seed, not likely to become the luscious locks that he had dreamt of (and taken out a £5,000 loan to pay for).

I wonder if you have been thinking of having cosmetic surgery, but feel deep down that there is another way?   Hypnotherapy and NLP can really boost confidence to such an extent that we become much less 'body-conscious', but able to see things from a different perspective.   People often find that its not really all about image, but by feeling great from the inside, this can actually have an effect on the way we look too. 

If you need a 'natural' boost, please call on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.  

Take care.

Bikini ready?

This is the time of year we start thinking about baring bodies, and even if you have no plans to don a bikini for your summer holiday, it is nice to lose a few pounds in order to look and feel better for the summer.

If you are in this situation, my advice is DO NOT DIET.  By restricting yourself to certain foods, and severely limiting your calorie-intake, you will only feel very deprived, and be much more likely to crave certain foods, and so in those weak moments, a binge is more than likely to happen.  Dieting also tends to slow down the metabolism, so calories are burned at a much slower rate, and you also end up feeling sluggish and lacking in energy.

I know that you may have heard it all before, but eating sensibly (still having treats occasionally) and exercising is the only way to achieve a healthy weight, as you are far more likely to sustain this type of lifestyle in the longer term.

The other thing that I would advise is only weigh yourself once every week or two weeks.  If you are constantly weighing yourself, you are only setting yourself up for failure, as it may be that on some times your weight may either stay the same or even increase.  This can be very demoralising and you can easily then just give up.

Also, it is important to reduce stress as much as possible - stress can not only make us eat more, but also affects the adrenal glands, which when overworked, can lead to weight gain.   

If you cannot reduce stress levels - find fun ways that you can counteract it.  Do stuff that you know a)makes you laugh b)makes you forget about everything else or c)gets you moving.   Great if you can combine all three!

Give yourself regular treats - these could be a spa treatment, getting together with a friend for lunch or coffee, buying yourself some flowers. 

Visualise yourself in that pair of jeans that you havn't been able to get into, or that dress that is a bit too tight.  Make the visualisation really detailed, imagine who you are going to bump into, all the comments that you will get, how you will feel.

It looks like we are going to have a great summer, so if you need some help with losing weight, and would like to find out how hypnotherapy can help you, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429, or send an email to wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Have a great summer!

Different hats

Apologies for those of you who follow my blog that I have not posted for the last couple of weeks.  Let me assure you that I am alive and well, just incredibly busy with different projects at the moment!

A good friend of ours who we met up with recently spoke about how, when he needed to have access to a certain resource, would (in his imagination) put on a particular hat and I have been thinking what an excellent idea this is.    There is no limit to your imagination as to how silly or indeed how sensible the hat could be (wonder what resource Prince Beatrice wanted to summon up with her Philip Treacy hat that she wore to the royal wedding?!!)  When I need to be especially assertive or forceful, I tend to put on a 'Hyacinth Bucket' hat, so people know that I mean business.  Sometimes, when I am just a bit vulnerable - yes us therapists are human too - and need to have added protection, I put on a crash helmet with full visor.  Try this yourself, and by letting your imagination run riot, you will soon find that you have a 'hat' for all occasions.

As principally a hypnotherapist, but also partner in a marketing business, wife, mum and daughter, I find that I have been having to change hats quite frequently, and this is fine, as long as you make sure that you have time to take all the hats off occasionally and just be you.  Or at least make sure that the one you sometimes wear is a comfortable floppy sun hat, that, as soon as you have it on, tells you to lie in the garden and do nothing, except read a book and listen to music and watch the birds.

My 'mum' hat is often in use at the moment (not quite sure what that looks like, perhaps comfortable, practical, knitted number that holds sausage rolls in its brim?) as I have been making sure that the boys are sufficiently prepared for their AS levels and GCSEs.   This means stocking up on healthy and not so healthy food, making sure that they get plenty of rest and have all they need for each exam.   Its a difficult time of year for many, and it does continue to irk me that there is still insistence from some quarters that students do not work nearly as hard as they used to and that standards have dropped.  When I look at the work that my boys are doing and the hours of revision they are putting in, I know that this is definitely not the case.   It is quite obvious that things are very different now, with the internet to help, but this does not necessarily mean that students work less hard. 

If you are putting in the hours studying for exams, or helping your children through this quite stressful time and perhaps need a bit of advice on ways to reduce exam anxiety, then please contact me, and I will be able to advise how hypnotherapy can help.   I can be contacted on 01449 780352 or 0871 715 8429, or email me at wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

In the meantime, can I suggest my special 'brain booster' hat, which sends out signals to help you stay calm, but perfectly focussed at the same time. 


    

Love is in the air

Many of you will no doubt be tired of the endless amount of royal wedding fever being spread these past few weeks, but I for one am looking forward to sitting down on Friday and watching the ceremony with my mum and dad (Mr Chalk being away in Brussels on business on that day).   I am going to cook them a nice lunch, with champagne to toast the happy couple.

Whilst I am in no way a royalist and I do think that much of the extravagance of the Royal Family is unjustified, I am a firm supporter of Prince William and I think he strives to live as normal a life as possible and so I really hope that his marriage to Kate is a long and very happy one.   I may not have reason to be so optimistic, if one looks at his family's track record, but I sincerely believe that he will be the one to 'buck the trend' and really work hard to make the union work.   His caution before committing himself to marriage displays a very practical, pragmatic approach, which (although it may not be earth-shatteringly romantic) would lead me to think that he has made absolutely sure that Kate is the 'one'.

It is a sad fact that in today's society marriage breakdown is very common and this can have devastating psychological and emotional effects on the couple, but particularly on any children involved.  I believe that as couples we all go through times where we want to strangle our partners, but also times when we know we could not live without them.

There is no recipe for making sure that a partnership stays the distance, but I have put together a few pointers which I believe are important for preserving longevity in a relationship. 

Choose your partner wisely
Yes, it is important that you fancy them, but it is not THE most important thing.  Above all, make sure that you share the same basic values, talk about what you want out of life, whether you both want to have children (yes, some people don't talk about this until they are married), where you want to live, what careers you want etc.  I am not saying draft a 'pre-nup' agreement, but get these basics agreed upon, and you will find things much easier in the long run.

Laugh at the same things
I can honestly say that this is one of the most important things within a relationship, and it has been what has kept me and Mr Chalk going through some difficult times - I remember when we were going through IVF treatment, I never laughed so much in all my life (particularly when they handed us the 'pot' for sperm collection, which was roughly the size of a small thimble!)  Being able to look at the funny side is vitally important, as every couple will have their low times.  

Always be considerate
It is the little things that you do for each other that really matter, not great big romantic gestures, like putting a little message in the places where only they go, to tell you that you are thinking of them or, when they have just got home from a really bad day, sitting down with them and letting them 'dump' all their angst on you, instead of giving your attention to the numerous other things that might demand your attention.   I always remember coming home from a week long course in France to a wonderful home-made banner that Mr Chalk had made with the boys, welcoming me back.  It is things like this that really do provide the cement to a relationship and go to make sure that you do not take one another for granted.

Have arguments
OK, this does not mean going at it hammer and tongs day and night, but I believe that it is important to assert differences of opinion, rather than always giving in, for a peaceful life.   And, make sure that you actually listen to each other.   It is only by doing this, that the relationship remains on an equal footing, with both sides being heard.

Let the other partner have their own interests, separate from yours
It is important to allow your loved one to explore what interests them, even if this holds no appeal for you.   Mr Chalk likes going to Santa Pod to watch the drag racing, but I can honestly say that I would rather have root canal work done, so he generally goes with the boys or friends.   On the other hand, I am happy to watch hours of Coronation Street episodes, which I tend to do on my own, as others in the family visibly wince when they hear the theme tune.

Make time to do stuff together
Very often, due to work, children, other commitments, we have no time left for our partners, except for doing the mundane, domestic stuff that has to be done.   Making sure that you find the time to plan little outings, walks, going to the pictures etc. is really important to retain that sense of closeness within a relationship.

Share the domestic tasks
This is not rocket science and it is the 21st century now, so make sure that domestic jobs are shared out, and it does not all fall into one person's lap.   You will each have things that you are better at, so work to your strengths, but above all make sure that chores are divided evenly, so one of you is not totally stressed out with having to do everything.

Have regular money meetings
Do not let money issues mount up - make sure that you keep within your budget and are sensible about spending.  Often, it is when things are left that the money problems can start to fester.

Acknowledge that there will be 'ups' and 'downs' but remember what first attracted you to each other
Everybody encounters some stress in their life, and with couples it is often those first years, when children are small and money is tight that tend to be really difficult.  Knowing the value of staying together and sharing family life, through all its challenges is really important.  Nurture each others hopes and dreams and you will make sure that the partnership remains strong whatever happens.


Wishing Will and Kate all the very best this Friday. 





 

Moving on

As Mr Chalk will tell you, I have a bit of a thing about holidays - I love them, everything about them, but this doesn't only mean the actual taking of the holiday, but also, for me, the organising part.  Heaven for me is a day with loads of brochures and travel guides, good internet connection and a credit card at hand.   In fact, this part is actually almost as nice as going on the holiday, as, having a very strong imagination, I can start to visualise myself lying on the beach, with cocktail in hand or exploring some temple or other, the 'real' world very firmly left behind. 

Since having the boys we have had some brilliant holidays - when they were little, we used to go every year to Southwold (I believe Libby Purves once described this wonderful little seaside town as 'prozac by the sea') and spent happy days on the beach and playing the machines on the pier.  Once they were older, we ventured a bit further afield and took ourselves off to France, trying out various different 'Eurocamps', particularly those with good waterslides - this was always a very important criteria.  We travelled many miles in Vera the Volvo, and I remember preparing little packs of things for the boys to do, and having to regularly 'muck them out' after each stage of the journey.  Happy days.

We then became even more ambitious and had a few long-haul trips, including
Sri Lanka, Cuba and Thailand - these were truly fabulous holidays, and ones that we will all remember.

I would like to think that my love of travel has been passed to my boys.   When I was little, we never failed to have a family holiday every year and this would be to the Isle of Wight, Dorset or perhaps Devon.   We had an old morris traveller, and very often it would break down en route, I remember my dad used to write down the names of all the towns we had to go through - nowhere was bypassed then, and there were very few motorways.  I just remember getting so excited the night before we went on holiday, that feeling of anticipation of exploring somewhere different, meeting new people was magical to me.

I have just booked our summer holiday for this year, but it feels really strange, because it will just be the two of us, as the boys have said they are happy to stay at home this year.  This is quite scary - not least because I worry what state our house will be in when I get back home - but also as it would seem to indicate that our family is evolving, and our boys are not so dependent any more, getting ready to 'leave the nest'.   This is also reinforced by the fact that we are currently going to university open days with our eldest, as in 18 months time, he will be leaving school to go to music college.

I see a number of clients with 'empty nest syndrome' and I can really understand how  that feeling of no longer being needed can be quite unsettling.   Whilst, for me, I know that it is important that I really enjoy the time I have now with my boys, as in a short while they will most probably be leaving home.

For my clients in this situation, I advise them to start to think about those things that you would like to be doing, when you will have all this extra time - this can range from study, learning new hobbies, travel (definitely on my agenda), volunteering etc.   Above all, try to do something which will give you real satisfaction, and in some way replace that feeling of 'being needed', but also something not too demanding of your time and energy.

If you are planning a new chapter in your life, or if your life is changing and some of that change seems frightening or bewildering, I can help you to have the confidence to see this through.   Contact me on 0781 715 8429 or 01449 780352, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.     

In stitches

I think that I have told you about my mum and dad, and what an inspiration they are to me (see previous blog: cheese toasties).  They are fiercely independent and hate to be a bother, so it was surprising and slightly alarming last week, when I had a phone call from my mum who was at the local health centre to say that my dad had cut his arm really badly whilst gardening, and he needed to be taken to A&E.  I reassured mum that it was no problem and that I would be along in 10 minutes, so I picked him up and after nipping back home to change his shirt (it really did look like he had been in a nasty fight), we set off for Bury St Edmunds A&E.  

We were seen almost immediately by a nurse, who examined the cut, and felt that it may need to be x-rayed, so could we wait for a doctor to come and look at it.

We were so lucky that day that Dr Claude Newbury was on duty, as he kept us fully entertained while stitching up dad's cut, and also attending to a cut on his ear (don't ask!)   At 75 years young, the South African Claude immediately developed a rapport with my dad (10 years his senior) and by the end of the consultation they were singing and laughing together like old friends.  Claude had such a dry sense of humour that he did literally have both of us in stitches (sorry, had to get that one in!)  He reminded me of a cross between Victor Borg and Peter Ustinov, so (those of you who are old enough) will acknowledge the sort of chap he was.   Dad was really disappointed that he wasn't going to be able to come back to get Claude to take the stitches out, as it turned out that this could be done at the local health centre, as he had enjoyed his humour so much.

Being able to make people laugh is truly a gift and there have been studies carried out that prove that laughter produces endorphins, which in turn counter stress and pain.  I'm convinced that Claude is an enormous asset to Bury hospital for this reason, and I am sure that his funny and easy-going personality had something to do with the fact that he has an important role to perform - he still feels extremely useful, rather than being 'put out to pasture' as it were.    Of course, many people of that age would feel no need or desire to continue working, but for those who do, it is important that the option is there.

Coming back to laughter - my husband does a bit of stand-up and he has told me that there is no greater feeling than making people literally cry with laughter - seeing them in almost physical pain is his goal!   And obviously we all love a good laugh, that feeling that brings tears down your face is such an excellent release valve, that maybe people like Claude should actually be prescribed on the NHS!

Thank you Claude, for looking after my dad and making him laugh.

Food for thought

I am the proud new owner of a kindle - this was a surprise mother's day present, although I'm sure that my husband had more to do with it than my teenage sons, who did, however, grudgingly agree to 'dob' some money towards it.  Sadly, gone are the days when I get lovingly hand-made cards or gifts with lots of glitter and grubby finger marks on them, and my husband had to remind the grunty ones that it was actually mothers day on Sunday, otherwise they probably wouldn't have noticed.  Love them really.

Anyway, back to the kindle - as a confirmed non-techie person - I wasn't really sure whether I could get used to reading a book from what is to all intents and purposes a mini-computer, but I have to say that it is surprisingly addictive and over the weekend I managed to download and read 3 books.  It is so easy to use - even for me, and the very idea of having access to all these books (and magazines & newspapers) is really quite wonderful.  However, I do have to keep reminding myself that I still have to pay for the books downloaded, even though they are considerably cheaper.

I am always keen to read the latest on the dieting industry/obesity crisis, as it is a subject that concerns me, and when flicking through the book list on my kindle, I came across
a title 'Why we get fat and what to do about it'.  Intrigued, I read the sample (you can do that with a kindle) and then downloaded the book in its entirety, and I have been glued to it ever since.  

The book, by the american science journalist, Gary Taubes (the author of Good Calories, Bad Calories 2007) makes for fascinating reading.  Basically, the main premise of the book is that conventional dietary guidelines which advise people that the only way to lose weight is to cut calories and exercise more is flawed.  And it would seem that, with more people than ever going on diets, but actually ending up fatter, that Taubes could be right.  His findings suggest that people should virtually eliminate carbohydrates from their diet and we all know that this is not a new idea, but it is the detail of his research which seems to make this a much more serious and thought-provoking piece of work. 

Taubes argues that pre-WWII scientists actually got it right, and since then the scientific community have been, quite spectacularly, getting it wrong.   The main message is that we get fat beause our fat cells have become disturbed by hormonal imbalance and they are taking nutrients that should be available to other tissues.  The fat cells live for themselves rather than in balance with the rest of the body and because those nutrients are not available, we become hungry and lethargic.  So we tend to eat more, and move less.  It is a vicious cycle, perpetuated by continuing with low-calorie diets.

The problem is not one of people eating too much, but of hormone balance and it would seem that some people are more sensitive to the hormone effects of insulin and cortisol (the stress hormone).   The more sensitive you are, the more you are likely to put on weight, and if you continue to follow a carb-filled diet (even if this is low calorie) you will make the problem even worse.

Taubes also argues that exercise is not the answer to weight loss - he admits that it is good for health benefits generally - but will not make you lose weight.   This is another edict that seems to go entirely against the grain of accepted wisdom. 

It has really made me think about the whole weight loss issue, and I really believe that Taubes has a point.  It does seem that for decades we have been emphasising calorie-reduction and exercise as the cornerstones of weight loss, but with the result that we have far more millions of people overweight and obese.   Many of the clients who come to see me for weight loss therapy tell me that they spend their lives dieting, but end up hungry and miserable, and certainly no slimmer.

Carb-dense foods are also a staple in our Western diet - even if we have a fairly healthy diet, there is usually a high proportion of pasta, bread and potatoes.  For those who live on junk foods, these are usually loaded with carbs and sugar as well as fat.

I believe that the medical profession and governments should all take note of this book.  At a time when we are offering gastric bands to obese youngsters, and it is predicted that we are all getting fatter, then perhaps we need a radical shift in the message that we put over to people. 

My belief has always been that we get fat because we eat too much and exercise too little, but I have really had my eyes open to the fact that it is not quite as simple as this, and actually what we have been doing - with the intention of trying to get slim - has in fact been making us all fatter.

Perhaps you have read the book yourself, and have some of your own ideas about it - I would welcome your comments, you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.