Male depression and suicide

The Panarama programme last Monday evening on male suicide was an extremely sad and moving piece. It largely focussed on journalist Simon Jack trying to find out why his father took his own life at 40, an age which Simon himself had reached.

Apparently suicide, quite shockingly, is one of the biggest killers in men under the age of 50, and particularly common with young men between the ages of 18 and 24. In a time when the stigma of mental illness does seem to be breaking down, it does still appear that for many the idea of asking for help is not an option. The old stereotype of women being able to go to their friends, family and professionals for help more easily, and not bottling things up may still apply, but I do think it goes deeper than that.

Simon found that his father did seem to have a history of depression and alcoholism (which do often go together) and was of the generation when you kept your stiff upper lip, and didn't talk to people about how you felt, as this was a sure sign of weakness. He felt increasingly trapped by all sorts of different pressures, and in the end saw no other way out.

Whilst this may still be true to a certain extent, I think what also comes into play is the fact that men are now finding themselves at a crisis point in terms of their identity. The world is now a complex place, where roles and identities are mixed around, and for many men the old primal idea of just wanting to provide for the family is still a basic instinct - hence there is a conflict.

We should encourage men to talk and seek help, but it is far more than that, I believe. Mental health support needs to be individually tailored for each person, not a one size fits all, and only then can we truly start to help those in need. This inevitably requires increased funding and training and a much less blinkered approach in the provision of counselling and support. In addition, help needs to be given straight away, as so often people are put on a waiting list, with sometimes dire results.

Best wishes,

Wendy x

Colouring book therapy

I was listening to Radio 4's You & Yours today, and was particularly struck by an item about the new craze for colouring books for adults. At first this may sound like a ridiculous idea, how can we possibly make time for such an inane activity such as colouring? This is just an activity for children, surely?

But actually it's not as stupid as it seems. Getting lost in colouring as an activity - and the books are more sophisticated than the average children's colouring book, so you can be really pleased with your finished picture - can be a wonderful form of meditation. Dedicated colourists say that worries and cares seem to melt away as you focus on the relaxing task of putting colour to a picture. Actual meditation can sometimes be a difficult thing to do as the mind tends to wander and sometimes you dwell on particular worries. Having a relatively easy task to focus on is a simple way of being mindful, and anyone can colour.

I have already ordered my colouring book, so am looking forward to getting started. I am determined to not go over the lines .....

Wendy x

Dive right in!

It was with some trepidation that I waved goodbye to my youngest as he drove off in his little VW polo to Birmingham, to stay with his older brother for the weekend. He is an excellent driver but, knowing the very different style of driving in a large conurbation compared to the practically deserted  roads around here, a mother does tend to worry.

His rationale was that he had to do it sometime, so why not now, and it would kill a couple of birds with one stone, as he could bring his brother and the brother's girlfriend back with him. So I packed him off, and tried to keep to the back of my mind those anxious thoughts.

Sometimes, when faced with a difficult task the best way is to 'feel the fear and do it anyway' (as wrote the brilliant Susan Jeffers). We all feel anxiety, it is a natural human thing, but just accepting this, and then getting on and doing the thing that scares us is what then will build up confidence and resilience.

By the way, he got there safely! Just worrying about him coming back now .... I'm his mum, give me a break.

With best wishes for Easter,

Wendy x