A Happy New Year

As the clock strikes midnight tonight, we will be all be wishing each other a happy new year (or at least those of us who have stayed up for the duration) but do you ever really stop to think what 'happy' means to you?

Is it the absence of misery or sadness? Or a huge surge of joy? Or perhaps just a general feeling of warm fuzzy contentment? Or a mixture of all of these?

In our hectic, all too busy lives, we can find ourselves sometimes just going through the motions and working on auto-pilot, so that we very often fail to be aware of those special moments of happiness, and they just pass us by. This is a shame, as if we really start to be more aware of living in the moment, we can truly notice those moments of joy, or contentment or calm (call them what you will) and I believe that by noticing those special moments, we find that they have a magical tendency to amplify, and multiply.

If you have not yet made a new year's resolution, why don't you make it your aim this year to find out what really makes you feel happy, and notice all of those things - whether its a baby's smile or a lovely meal - that contribute to that wonderful feeling.

May I wish everyone a happy (whatever that means to you) 2013!

Wendy x

Wishing you all a peaceful xmas

As I was looking through client notes the other day, it suddenly occured to me how lucky and priveleged I am to have the opportunity to touch peoples' lives in some way.

One of the reasons I embarked on this career was to do with the fact that I find it endlessly interesting and inspiring to listen to others' stories, and this remains as strong, or perhaps stronger than ever. I feel humbled that clients open up their lives to me and put their trust in me. And I find it amazing how strong the human spirit is, when I encounter those people who have been through the most incredible challenges and they then come out the other side.

These are stressful and difficult times for many, but we need to be aware that inside every one of us there is a strong inner core which gives us the ability to overcome all sorts of difficulties, and find a lasting peace and contentment.

If I have been able to help my clients in some small way to discover that strength and peace within, then that is really quite awesome.

Love and best wishes to all clients past, present and future,
Wendy x

Give yourself a break

At this time of year, many people tend to be quite worn out - with all the stress of christmas preparations, the bad weather, all the nasty bugs and viruses going around as well as the short days - so I thought that it would be a good idea to share some of my ideas for taking care of yourself through the harsh winter months.

First of all, take a tip from nature. Many creatures and plants have the bright idea of hibernating or semi-hibernating, so why not us? Use the dark nights to curl up in bed reasonably early with a good book, and you will find that you are more likely to enjoy a good night's sleep, and wake feeling refreshed and re-energised. If you are the type of person who benefits from the odd nap, go with what your body is telling you and have 20 minutes or so during the day (no more than this, however, or you may not sleep so well at night).

Make sure that you eat well, and do not overload on carbs. There is a lot of stodgy food (and alcohol) about this time of year and if you overload yourself with sugar and carbohydrates, you will feel much more tired and lethargic. I find that for most of the time a good, balanced diet with lots of  low GI (glycaemic index) foods - this means foods which ensure your blood/sugar levels remain even, such as porridge, lean proteins, wholegrains, nuts and pulses as well as fruit and vegetables - is a fairly safe bet, although it is normal to want to indulge in the tempting stuff occasionally.

Try as much as you can to eliminate stresses in your life. I know that this isn't always possible, but if you can keep things as simple and calm as you can, then you will feel much less stressed. I was finding that I was listening to a lot of news programmes on the radio, and watching them on the television. Now, for a lot of the time, I tend to listen to Classic FM and am feeling much better for it.

Do take supplements if you feel that you would benefit from them. Vitamin D has had a lot of press recently, and there are many people who are deficient in this particularly during the winter months. Have a look on the internet to find out more.

Lastly, find some time to just 'be' - this means doing absolutely nothing at all for 10 or 20 minutes each day. Call it meditation, self-hypnosis, mindfulness - it is a wonderful way to relax and recharge.

Take care,
Wendy x

Fear of missing out

I seem to be seeing more and more people suffering from stress and this can have all sorts of reasons such as work and home life challenges as well as financial burdens. And it also seems to be that for most people these days there is no 'down' time and there is the feeling that you are missing out if you are not constantly on Facebook or twitter.

This need to be in touch or FOMO (fear of missing out) is, I feel, at the root cause of many peoples' stress and anxiety, although they would probably be loathe to admit it. In fact I am sure that, for many, they feel that being connected all the time is a comfort to them, as otherwise they would feel isolated and cut-off.

As always there is a balance to be struck. Modern technology is, even for me a self-confessed technophobe, a wonderful thing. There is so much that can be learnt from the Internet, and it was great that we could see and speak to our son back here in Suffolk from our Balinese retreat. However, when we become unable to get through 5 minutes without checking our phone, then maybe it is time to admit that there may be a slight problem.  No-one is truly indispensable or needs to be accessible all the time and it is important to be self-aware if you feel you may have FOMO as this can soon become an habit which is difficult to break.

If you feel that you need help with this type of problem and would like to learn how to 'switch off' do contact me on 01449 780352 or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Terrible times

My apologies for such a long absence from my blogpost. This has been due to a busy few weeks helping my husband with his marketing business as well as running my hypnotherapy practice, and then a wonderful holiday in Bali (just me and Mr Chalk) where internet access was not reliable.

So I have returned from holiday, suitably relaxed and with renewed vigour, and I find that the world seems to have turned on its axis.

The BBC, that old dependable stalwart, whose values and journalism you could always depend upon, seems to be almost in its death throes after a heavily damaging few weeks, in the wake of the Jimmy Saville child abuse scandal.

There has been so much comment as to what should be done/what enquiries should be launched, but to me the really important thing is make sure that the right support and help is given to the victims in this case. Certainly, they should be offered counselling, but also it is essential that they are then given the right sort of help which would enable them to move on with their lives. In cases like this hypnotherapy treatment is really useful, as it can actually take the emotional element out of past traumatic incidents. The memory of the event is still there, but the person is able to finally move on, as it no longer seems to have the same emotional charge.

It has made me so incredibly sad to read about the different stories of children being abused, and I can only hope that - with the uncovering of this vile period - that there will be resolution for those involved.

Wendy x

Big fish, small fish

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My apologies for not having 'blogged' for a while - I have been busy in my other life, assisting my husband with his marketing business. We have had a really busy couple of weeks as we have been organising, and then manning a stand at a trade exhibition in Birmingham which has been good fun, but quite exhausting!

One of the perks of being in Birmingham was that we were able to go and see Olly, my eldest, who has just started at Birmingham Conservatoire (see earlier blogs). I am glad to say that he is thriving, has made loads of friends, and his really enjoying student life despite his mother's fears. It seems he is now with 'his people', fellow musicians who all speak a similar language, and he is loving it. Nevertheless I do think that the whole experience has been a little bit of a shock to him, as when he was attending his small rural high school he always stood out as a really talented musician, and was used to receiving praise on a regular basis. Now everything is different, he is a small fish in a very large pond, and all around him are the most talented musicians in the country, so he is just one amongst many. But I really feel, that knowing his character, he will rise to this challenge and relish the opportunity to work towards his dream of becoming a professional musician.

We all have those times in life that seem to be so challenging at the time, and sometimes we can look back and wonder how we managed to get through. But my belief is that every single one of us has the strength and resources within them to overcome challenges, and to benefit from them in the long-run.

Sometimes, however, we do not feel that we have this strength within us, but I have found that hypnotherapy can be very powerful in giving us that sense of courage and determination, and we can then go on to achieve almost anything we want.

If you would like to find out more about this wonderful therapy, please email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Wellbeing in mind and body

I read in the 'East Anglian Daily Times' the other day that cases of depression are rising sharply in this region. A local agency which aims to help people who are suffering from this type of illness, the Suffolk Wellbeing Service put this down partly to the economic climate, which is putting huge pressure on people but also a lessening in the stigma of mental illness with the resulting effect that more people are coming forward for help. This latter is a very positive thing, as depression CAN be treated very successfully through therapy and also - if needed - medication.

One thing I have learnt is that it is important to address mind and body in cases of depression, as they are very strongly interlinked, and having a physical activity (perhaps outdoors) that you are able to do on a regular basis, can have a hugely positive effect on your state of mind. They are quite often talked about, but endorphins are not to be sneered at for their wonderful healing qualities.

My particular love is swimming, and I regularly try and do an hour or so at my gym. I confess that I am not one for gym, zumba or other sweaty pursuits, but prefer to spend any free time in the water. I think I must have been a mermaid in a previous life, as when I see water, I have a compulsion to get in it. I especially love swimming in the sea, although the water needs to be above arctic temperature to lure me in.

It is also really important to endeavour to eat reasonably well - if you stuff yourself with all sorts of rubbish, it is patently obvious that you are going to feel yuck, so eating 3 regular, healthy meals and drinking lots of water will have a noticeable effect on your mind's health. I always feel much better if I eat lightly, but well.

Lastly, it is vital to get plenty of rest - never underestimate the importance of a good night's sleep - and also perhaps have a little nap in the day if you can, but don't allow it to go on for longer than 20 minutes, otherwise you may feel even more groggy.

These are all simple things, but they can have a really positive effect on your mental health and achieve a lasting sense of wellbeing.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Stopping smoking for life, not just for October

Most people will be well aware by now of the government campaign to get people to give up smoking 'just for October' with the thought being that if you are able to give up for 4 weeks, you are much more likely to stay off the ciggies for life.

Whilst this may be true for some people, others that I have spoken to say that those first few weeks are actually quite easy, and then they can sometimes have a craving a month or so after having given up. The point is everyone is different and no two people have the same degree of motivation for giving up. What is universally agreed upon is that it is not an easy thing to do, and any help and support that we can get whilst in the process of stopping smoking is very welcome.

My stop smoking hypnosis package includes a thorough consultation, in which I find out what smoking does for you and how we can find other ways to fulfil those needs. We then have the hypnosis session itself, which usually lasts around 1 1/2 - 2 hours, and is uniquely tailored to your own personality and situation. You are provided with a CD to use at home, along with the option of a follow-up session, if needed. However, I generally find that the one session is enough to set you on your way. Most of my clients who come for smoking cessation hypnosis find that, after treatment, it is relatively easy as they no longer have any desire or craving for cigarettes, and their subconscious mind has found other much more healthy ways that they are able employ to de-stress.

I do not need to remind anyone of the dangers of smoking, as we are all aware of the increased risk of cancers, heart disease and lung problems.

Many people do not know, however, about other health problems that have a direct correlation with smoking. One of these is age-related macular degeneration (a type of blindness), and my mum was unfortunate enough to contract this, and has had to have regular injections directly into the eye which have saved the sight in one eye, but not the other. This has been so debilitating for my mum, it has meant that she has lost all of her confidence going out as she is worried about tripping up, and also she had to give up driving which was something she loved and gave her a great deal of independence. She also has problems seeing the television, reading and knitting - all things which she used to love doing.  It is probable that her condition would have been precipated by smoking.

If you are thinking of giving up - not just for October - and feel that hypnosis would really set you on the right path, do please give me a call on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Wendy x

Dealing with negative people

Last night I went with my younger son to watch our team, Ipswich Town, play Wolves. We were looking forward to the game, had a good feeling about it, and felt that - after a dodgy start to the season - our Tractor boys were going to play up and get a really good result.

Well, we ended up being disappointed as it turned out as the Town did not play at all well, and lost 2-0 to a decidedly average Wolves. Never mind.

Where we sit in the ground, we have a brilliant view of the match, but unfortunately behind us is a lady who I shall call Mrs Negativity, and throughout most of the game she commented on every single mistake our team made, how poor they were, how terrible it is to watch, and how bad the team is - and yes, she is an Ipswich Town supporter. My son and I got so fed up at one point that we almost turned round and had a word with her - why on earth does she still keep coming, only to moan throughout the whole match. I made a particular point of cheering when Ipswich played well, and commenting positively on their play, although it must be said that as the game went on, this was quite difficult to do.

I really hope that our team manages to turn things round, but the point I want to make here is that some people really do seem to actually enjoy being negative, they absolutely thrive on it, but they can be unaware of how it 'pollutes' the area around them by sending out these negative vibes. I do sometimes even think that a team can even tend to absorb the feelings given out by the supporters, although in saying this I am not excusing the players of not playing up.

Some people that I meet have problems working or living with people who give out this 'negative' energy - they find that they absorb it, and end up feeling miserable or drained, despite being generally optimistic people themselves.

We have all met or come into contact with these types of people, and the first thing we have to realise is that we cannot change them, but what we CAN change is our response to them. Through hypnotherapy and NLP, it is possible to use our imaginations to protect ourselves from the doom and gloom-mongers, and this can be done in all sorts of ways by using our own creative minds. Sometimes in hypnosis clients can imagine that they are surrounded by a very protective bubble, and this enables them to 'bounce off' any negative energy that might be around them. Or else, the difficult person can be 'shrunk down' and their voice reduced to a tiny squeak, so they do not affect us in the same way. This type of therapy can be used with great effect with children, as they have such imaginative minds and usually come up with all sorts of ways that they can protect themselves in difficult encounters.

Call me on 01449 780352 or 07817158429 to find out how hypnotherapy and NLP could help you.

Wendy x

PS. By the way, for those of you who read my last blog, my musical son is loving life in Birmingham and enjoying fresher's week to the full. House is very quiet though. W

Missing him already

As we speak, Mr Chalk is taking eldest son up to Birmingham Conservatoire, so he can start his four year course in jazz piano, and I am so very proud of him.

It has been a really stressful few days. Telephone calls to the student loan company trying to find out when his grant would be coming through, trying to make sure that he has everything he needs on his list, and then receiving his desperate call on Friday afternoon to tell me that he had driven into the back of another car.  Thankfully, he was unhurt, but very shook up, and my car looks as though it could be a write-off. It may have been prophetic that I was talking about stress in my last blog.

I thought that I would feel more wretched waving him off this morning, and it was true that I did feel sad as I will miss him terribly. However, a sense of calm and relief seemed to descend on me as I know that now is the right time for him to go, he is doing the course that he wanted to do, he is staying in a really nice hall of residence (with en-suite rooms for heaven sake!) and he is now able to do what he really loves to do, play music, all the time. Actually, in all honesty, I'm probably a bit jealous.

As a parent, all we can wish for for our children is happiness, and I know that Olly has it within him to do what makes him happy, he has been one of the lucky ones who has found the key to his personal bliss early in life.

So, although I know that there will be hard times when money is tight, he misses my cooking (or maybe not) and has the stress of exams and performances, overall he will love it, because he will be immersed in music, and will be with 'his people'.

My very best wishes to all of those going away to university, and to those sending them off.  You just have to let them fly now.

Wendy x

PS. I think I may leave it a little while before I go in his room.

Stress-less?

Recent research from University College London indicates that job-related stress can lead to increased risk from heart attacks. No surprise there really.

However, they point out that it is often those who work in very mundane, repetitive jobs and have little control over the work that they do can suffer more from stress, compared to those who are in potentially much more stressful situations, such as
medical professionals working in an A&E Department. These are clearly examples of very different kinds of stress, and it is true that it can come in different forms, including having too little to do, as well as having too much.

We can also experience stress in the form of difficult relationships, having to cope with illness, financial worries, family troubles as well as job or career challenges.

Nobody ever has a totally stress-free life, and nor would they want it. There has been much said in the news recently about how a certain amount of stress is actually good for us, but as always, its getting the balance right and unfortunately this is not really under our control.

However, what IS within our control is our response to the stress in our lives, and this can be managed by making sure that we keep ourselves in the best possible health, physically and emotionally. Obviously looking after our bodies by putting good natural food inside them is important, as well as taking regular exercise. Finding a physical activity which we really enjoy and can do easily and often is a wonderful way of dealing with stress, as is finding a way to relax by practising meditation, self-hypnosis or yoga.

Sometimes it is really necessary to take a good hard look at our lives, in order to assess where we can perhaps make things easier for ourselves. Often when I see clients they feel so close to their situation that it seems impossible for them to make change. By helping them to take a step back, and also to really look at their lives from a different perspective, they are then able to see ways that they can instigate change in order to make their lives easier but also more satisfying.

Stress is one of those necessary evils, but it is possible to respond to it in a positive way, and even using it creatively to make changes that may be long overdue.

If you would like to have a chat with me to find out how hypnotherapy can help you to deal with stress in your life, then please call me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Age old drinking problem

The panorama programme on BBC1 the other evening presented by the wonderful Joan Bakewell, 'Old, Drunk & Disorderly' made interesting, if somewhat disturbing viewing.

We seem to be well aware these days of the excessive  and all-to-evident drinking amongst the young (as someone whose son will soon be sampling the delights of fresher's week in Birmingham, this is home territory for me) but perhaps less so of the ever-rising drinking habit in the elderly.

The over-60s appear to be a very vulnerable group, in terms of loneliness, depression and lack of purpose and this can lead to addictive habits such as drinking, in the hope of gaining some comfort and solace. A daily habit of having a glass of wine at 'that certain time of day' can soon lead to the consumption of a whole bottle during the evening, as the programme alarmingly reported. And even those who do not consume this much may well be exceeding the government's recommended limit of units, as Dame Joan herself found, after keeping a drink diary for a month. It seems to be all to easy to drink to excess, and it may well be that elderly people feel that, at this time of life, they can do what they want, and do not feel that they should be dictated to by the nanny state.

However, I think in truth that most people recognise the dangers of drinking too much, and particularly in old age recognise that it can have a disastrous effect on health in so many ways - not just the usual liver disease, stroke, diabetes, heart problems - but also is a major risk factor in hastening the onset of dementia and can cause depression and mental illness.

The problem is, whilst we can recognise that we are drinking too much, it is often difficult to cut down.

As a hypnotherapist, I see a lot of people who are keen to cut down their drinking, and it is important to recognise that the drink is serving some kind of need. Once this fact is realised, then we can work on replacing the drinking habit with another (healthy and life-affirming) habit which will provide comfort and solace, but without the negative consequences on health.  In addition, suggestions given during hypnosis can be very powerful in getting the person to drink really slowly, and be satisfied with just one glass - people often say that they feel so much better and feel the benefit of this, and so they also then go on to have a couple of nights a week (at least) where they are not drinking.

I like a nice glass of something chilled as much as the next person, but I am aware of enjoying it so much more by limiting it.  As in all things, moderation is the key.

If you feel that your drinking habit it spiralling out of control, do contact me on 01449 780352, or 07817158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk to have a chat about how I can help you.

Wendy x

Stopping smoking - not just for October!

I think that the NHScampaign encouraging people to stop smoking just for the month of October - Stoptober - is an excellent idea. It is certainly the case that if you can give up a habit for a period of 4 weeks, then it is much more likely that you are going to be able to give up that habit for life.

The first few weeks of giving up are sometimes the most difficult, as it seems strange and alien 'not to be doing that thing that you do', and there are times when the urge to give in is really strong. The reason for this is that your subconscious is still telling you that you want, and need that cigarette, even though your conscious mind has decided, very sensibly, to give up this habit.

However, with hypnosis, it seems that people do find it easier to give up, as the subconscious is given very strong suggestions during the hypnotherapy session, which mean that all parts of you are in agreement about stopping smoking, not just the conscious part. Very often I find that clients who have experienced my stop smoking treatment tell me that they find that they do not have any cravings at all, and the wonderful thing is that this feeling lasts, so giving up is actually much easier than they thought it would be. An added by-product is that they feel much calmer, and less stressed generally after the treatment.

If you are thinking about giving up for 'Stoptober' but feel that you need a little help in the process, do please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Wendy x

Wake up to hypnosis

I do think that more people are starting to accept hypotherapy as a valid and effective treatment for many psychological and emotional disorders, and not just the slightly strange and quirky alternative therapy practised by Mr or Mrs Weird for stopping smoking.

Even medical practitioners themselves have begun to wake up to the fact that hypnosis can be used to treat seemingly 'physical' disorders such as IBS. Also, in terms of pain relief, there is recognition that hypnosis can be really effective - more and more women are opting for hypno-birthing in order to have as natural and relaxing birth experience as possible. Midwives are being trained in the technique, so that they can offer this as an option.

I am really hopeful that this acceptance of hypnotherapy by the mainstream will continue, but my concern is that it will be seen as just another 'tool' that any medical practitioner can use, and 'bite-size' hypnosis will be used by inexperienced and unqualifed people, with very limited results.

When I began as a hypnotherapist, I did rely to a certain extent on 'scripts', these are suggestions used in hypnosis which cover a whole range of subjects from weight loss to depression. However, I soon found that it was really important to tailor the hypnosis suggestions to the client, and in this way the most effective results can be achieved. A skilled hypnotherapist will find out as much as he or she can, and really listen to the language of the client, before then 'crafting' the therapy treatment.

And I do really believe it is a 'craft', not something that can be formalised or scripted, and this is where the real magic occurs. This is the creative part of my work that I love, as by using what I am presented with, I can then 'weave' my therapeutic intervention, with often really amazing results. I realise that I am beginning to sound more like Mrs Weird here!

I think maybe that this is where the medical profession seem to find it difficult, as this type of therapy cannot be quantified, measured or assessed in the same way that conventional treatments can be.

But my hope is that, in the years to come, there is even more recognition that hypnotherapy (in the hands of a qualified, experience clinical practitioner) can be extremely effective and ultimately life changing, in the way it can lead people to find the solutions they long for.

Wendy x

Lose yourself

I am an avid fan of the BBC2 programme 'Great British Bake Off' and it never ceases to amaze me what wonderful creations these amateur bakers can produce under really stressful conditions.

I love cooking and baking myself, but it is all really quite homely fare, although occasionally I set myself a slightly more difficult challenge, and really enjoy the whole process of planning and then painstakingly creating my very own work of art. I find that I can become so involved in decorating a cake, and several hours can pass by without me realising it. For me, making and decorating a cake for somebody's birthday, anniversary or any sort of occasion is something that I love to do, an almost meditative act in which I can completely lose myself.

Mary Berry revealed recently that she found a great deal of comfort in baking after the death of her grown-up son, and also the novelist Marian Keyes has written about the fact that baking has helped alleviate her spells of depression. It does certainly seem to be an activity which is regaining popularity, as more people are finding how relaxing and rewarding it can be.

But it doesn't have to be baking. I firmly believe that we all possess a creative part, and once we can find something that this part of our mind can really focus on, then it often means that other worries or anxieties are completely forgotten about. In this 'creative meditation' our analytical, ruminating mind can be still for once, and we can allow ourselves that sense of peace and relaxation which comes from merely focussing on what we are doing.

Whether that is baking, making model aeroplanes, gardening or painting. It really doesn't matter ......

Wendy x

Not about the weight

I would guess that about 40% of my clients come to me wanting to lose weight. And out of those, I often then find that in actual fact, weight is not the main issue which concerns them.

When we start to scratch the surface we usually discover other issues which are often at the root cause of an unhealthy relationship with food and this could be a difficult relationship, lack of confidence, boredom, dissatisfaction at work and sometimes even a physical illness.  Therefore it is very important that I find out as much as I can about the client before starting their treatment, this ensures that we are tackling the root, as opposed to just the symptom. Once the client can start to gain a different perspective on 'what lies beneath' and starts to believe that change is possible, then the weight often seems to drop off as a matter of course.

Many of the people I see seem to be less bothered about their weight, but more concerned about their eating habits. Through years of dieting, there appears to be this obsession with food - we can no longer just wake up and say 'what do I really fancy eating today', but everything has to be analysed, weighed, portion-sized to the extreme. This need for control at all times very often then leads to the other extreme - a total binge on all the wrong sorts of foods/drinks, and then feeling totally disgusting afterwards.

Through hypnotherapy, we can actually address our root needs and then what often happens is that our minds and bodies find balance once again, everything 'feels' right and we no longer need to resort to extremes of behaviour, like overeating. A client said to me the other day that she finally felt 'free' after years of fad diets and eating plans. Therefore she was allowing herself to eat whatever she wanted, but oddly she no longer felt the need to.

Do get in touch if you would love to have that same sense of freedom around food - wendy@wendychalk.co.uk or phone me on 01449 780352 / 07817158429.

Wendy x

Bits missing

Some of you who read my blog (I do like to think that you do exist, and not just in my head) may recall that a year or so ago I recounted the story of how my lovely dentist was able to save one of my teeth from complete extinction and by the use of most of the available amalgam in Suffolk managed to create the illusion that there was still a tooth there, even though most of it was filling. Suffice it to say I was ecstatic at not having to lose the tooth completely.

Well, dear readers, I suppose that the writing was on the wall and it was only a matter of time before the tooth would completely give up the ghost, and it was whilst chomping on a hard-centre the other day, that I noticed that one bit of this confection seemed to be particularly hard, and found that the remaining actual bit of tooth had come out.

I had to admit it that I knew, this time, that even my clever dentist would be unable to patch this one up and so yesterday - as I still had the remainder of the tooth resting in the gum - he persuaded me to have a flat filling. This will make it easier, if I ever have the money to afford a dental implant, for this to be fitted. 

For now, however, there is a gap in my teeth. Its not so bad, and doesn't seem to show to much as it is near the back, but nevertheless it does feel slightly strange and my tongue keeps wandering to the gap. There is also the slightly weird feeling of not being symetrical, tooth-wise and therefore a little bit unbalanced. One almost feels as if it would feel better to have the tooth taken out from the other side to match.

But really I thought that I would be much more bothered about it, and I'm not.

I have been captivated by the Paralympics, and was watching the swimming last night, totally inspired by these wonderful inspirational athletes. They have had to adjust to bits of their bodies no longer being there but seem to achieve so much in spite of this, or perhaps, as they themselves have explained, because of  it. So, what does it matter if I'm missing a tooth, for heaven sake?

The human capacity to adjust in the face of illness, accident or misfortune never ceases to humble or amaze me, it is that spirit of 'just getting on with it' and finding their own way to triumph over - what appears to us - the most horrific injuries and disabilities. But I do also realise that what these wonderful people are looking for is not pity, praise or even understanding, but merely an acceptance of their difference as just that, no more or less and to have exactly the same opportunities as everyone else.

Enjoy the Paralympics everyone,

Wendy x

Big game in Clacton

The recent story in the newspapers about the lion on the loose in Essex has really caught the public's imagination, and its easy to understand why. When I first read about it, it seemed to combine so many elements from my childhood - our trips to Colchester Zoo, days out at Walton-on-the-Naze, and even my favourite television programme as a youngster, Daktari.  You could just imagine Clarence the lion wandering along the Essex coastline and seeing two Clacton piers (I realise that this will mean nothing to anyone under the age of 45) it truly is the stuff of legend.

It is interesting how the mind can allow us to 'see' things that are not really there, and also not see things which are there! In neuro-linguistic programming, we learn how each person interprets what they see, hear and feel in their own individual way and this is why we get massive differences in people's perception of what is going on around them.  Their senses are only the first port of call for the information around them to arrive at, before the data is then processed using their own unique 'filter'. This filter is made up of a whole conglomeration of memories, conditioning, habits, imagination, so you can well understand how one individual's interpretation of things can be very different from another's.

Last week we went to see our local team, Ipswich Town, play their first game of the season. Maybe it was due to where we were sitting, but we were very positive about the team's performance and felt that they played really well. The following day we met up with a neighbour who also saw the same match, and his comments were that it was the worse he had seen them play. Now in this case, it could well be due to position of seating, but also I think that expectation plays a definite part here.

I always tell my clients about their unique 'filter on the world' and how it is possible to adjust this, if they are tired of seeing things in monochrome.  I liken it to one of those kaleidoscopes (I used to have hours of fun with those) where you can just turn the tube a tiny bit, and you get a totally different pattern. Once people can open up their mind to the possibility of change, and the fact that change does not have to be difficult or onerous, then the adjustment can be made with ease.

So, Clarence the lion or giant kitty? Your guess is as good as mine ....

Wendy x
 

Band aid

It seems that the number of bariatric (obesity related) operations being performed is rising all the time. The NHS now has data available on these procedures, and the number of recorded weight loss procedures - and this can include gastric banding or by-passing - carried out on obese people in England rose by 70 % from just over 4,200 in 2008/09 to just over 7,200 in 2009/10. Figures, when they appear, for 2011/2012 are more than likely to show an even bigger increase.

I find this quite depressing for several reasons. Firstly, these operations are risky and pose the threat of health problems occuring in the short-term as well as the longer term. Secondly, very little thought seems to be given to the emotional reasons behind the patient's weight gain, and unless these are addressed, then their negative behaviour may still be there once the operation has been performed. Famously, Vanessa Feltz and Anne Diamond had bariatric surgery, and neither found that it enabled them to have a sensible relationship with food or indeed lose weight in the longer term. More seriously, I have heard that, in some cases people who have had obesity surgery turn to alcohol for comfort, as this can still be ingested without risk of damaging the band.

I know that for some people they feel that only a drastic intervention is the answer, and maybe if they then follow the medical advice, the operation can literally be a life-saver for them.  But for countless others I feel that the answer lies in addressing the reasons behind that need to comfort eat, and finding positive and healthy ways that can satisfy this need. This is how hypnotherapy can be so very powerful, as it works with the sub-conscious mind in order to find out the real reasons behind over-eating and weight gain, and then (again working with the person's sub-conscious) brings up positive, lasting solutions that can lead to a really healthy and happy relationship with food.

I have seen the evidence with my clients time and time again how well hypnosis can work, so if you are really seeking a lasting solution to a weight issue I would strongly urge you to give hypnotherapy a try.

Fleeing the nest

Are you (like me) dreading the impending departure of your child to university? Do     you keep thinking that they won't be able to look after themselves/eat healthily/drink in moderation/manage their finances? Do you worry about how they are going to find a part-time job AND study at the same time? Do you fear for their personal safety without you being there to steer them in the right direction?

I have all these fears (and more) running through my head as my eldest starts his degree in jazz piano at Birmingham Conservatoire in just 3 weeks time and have come to the conclusion that this is just fairly normal thinking for a mum.

What I have resolved to do, however, is really soak up the essence of him in these last few weeks. Like any 18 year old he is self-obsessed, fairly lazy, inconsiderate and abominably untidy, so I have pointed out to myself that these are things that I will not miss. His redeeming features, however, which include his wit, dry sense of humour, alarming musical talent and his creativity I am noticing and storing in a little memory bank for those days when the house seems unnaturally quiet. Most evenings, my husband and I sit in our kitchen and it feels like we are in the basement of a jazz club, which I have to realise now has really been quite wonderful, but we have not appreciated it fully.

And I know that deep down I don't have to worry really - he is ready for this, and is so excited about going away and being able to focus on his passion for jazz piano, the course that he is doing is the one that he wanted, and everything is as it should be.
All I have to do is let him go.

I will miss him though .....

Just a number

Yesterday I spent my 50th birthday paddling in the sea and walking along Aldeburgh beach. It was lovely, the weather was perfect and I had Mr Chalk with me. So it couldn't have been better really.

I have been reflecting on what this number means to me. Many people see one's 50th as a milestone and in some ways it is. For me, it does seem to bring in a new era, with the eldest son going off to university, the younger one starting sixth form and my practice growing and evolving at the same time. I am very fortunate that I seem to have reached a time of stability in my life, financially and careerwise, as well as being able to enjoy more time with Mr Chalk, and without the children in tow (not that I don't love them both to bits).

I have always felt that age should not be a limiting factor, and this is a very firm belief.

Mr Chalk and I decided to go the pictures on my birthday, and we went to see a film called 'Ping Pong' at the marvellous Aldeburgh cinema. The film was a documentary about world championship table tennis for the over 80s (yes really!!), and was awe-inspiring. It centred on 6 characters, the eldest of which was a wonderful Australian lady of 100 years of age who was an absolute demon table-tennis player, travelling all over the world to championships, and enjoying every moment. Another chap, Terry, from the UK, had suffered cancer three times, as well as being asthmatic, but did not let these things interfere with his competitive spirit.

After the film, we were lucky enough to have an audience with its director, Hugh Hartford, and he brought our attention to the mind/body link. It seemed that, in spite of these wonderful characters' great ages and all the associated problems, their minds were able to focus solely on the game and this seemed to allow physical limitations to be forgotten. I noticed that there was almost a meditative quality, once play had begun, and it was clear that this simple well-loved game could have the most amazing therapeutic benefits. Mr Hartford confirmed that, since the film's release, he had heard of a number of nursing homes installing table tennis tables for guests to use. Perhaps table tennis should be on prescription!

Anyway, the real point here is that age really is just a number, and there is no limit to what the body can achieve if the will is there. The mind is much more powerful than we think, and through using it in clever and imaginative ways, we can do things that we never thought possible.

So, maybe you might see me in 50 years time at the Senior Olympics. Better start training now.....

Wendy x




 

Family relationships

After having spent a lovely day with my dear mum and dad along with my brother, sister-in-law and their grown up children, I feel so incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful family. Many of the clients I see are not so lucky, and for all sorts of reasons, have difficult or even sometimes non-existent relationships with their families. I even meet some people who have not spoken to close family members for many years, and this strikes me as particularly sad.

Family support is really important, and I still value the support of my mum and dad, although increasingly they depend on me and my brother for practical help as they get more frail with age.

My parents are both in their 80s and still value their independence despite numerous health problems so do not like to bother us, but I think the fact that we are nearby just gives them peace of mind so they know we could come and help if needs be.

I shall be 50 in a few days time, and I realise for many that this can be quite a difficult time as people of this age may have teenagers at home, as well as having to care for elderly parents. There is sometimes that feeling that you are caught 'between a rock and a hard place' having to deal with the angst of teenagers as well as the increasing frailty of one's parents.

What I find heart-warming is the lovely bond that my children have with my parents, and how after the years of my mum and dad looking after my 2 when they were little and doing all sorts of wonderful things with them, they are now able to repay them with small kindnesses, like doing shopping and little jobs around the house.

Very often in the West the elderly tend to be cast to one side, and I think that this is sad. Eastern societies by contrast venerate their elders, they really value them and treat them as VIPS, they can appreciate their wisdom and knowledge, and I think that in this way the elderly people feel loved and respected.

Families can be difficult at times, but we should treasure them.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Accentuate the positive

I am sure that many of you will miss the Olympics, now that the torch has been extinguished after all the partying of the closing ceremony. It was truly a fantastic couple of weeks in which there seemed to be such a wonderful spirit of friendliness, warmth and togetherness - a quite dramatic contrast to the scepticism and grumbling that had been a feature of the months prior to the competition.

Everything seemed to go really well, and there is little that can be criticised about the organisation of this huge event, although I am sure that some will be able to find a few holes here and there!

It tends to be the British way, doesn't it? We can somehow never allow ourselves to feel completely positive about anything, can we? We always downplay things, whether it comes to our own achievements or the achievements of others. The idea of being positive and upbeat is so distinctly un-British, that we almost seem to feel uneasy if everything is going well. 

Very often when I see a client they will be able to describe their 'problem' to me in such detail, but when I ask about how they would prefer things to be they find it really difficult to come up with an answer. They have never even started to think that things could really be so much better for them, if only they could start to focus on what they REALLY want in life, instead of what they don't want.

It is clear that to a large extent we are a problem-focused society, but I think that it is possible for us to focus more on what is going right, and that by practising this habit more and more we find that our lives are so much better, happier, more fulfilled.

Obviously, we need to be realistic as to our futures, but we have seen over the last couple of weeks some quite unbelievable achievements. So I would urge you to aim high, get a clear and vivid idea in your mind of what it is you want, and realise that you CAN achieve it.

For even more inspiration in this regard be sure to watch the Paralympics, which start on August 29th, Channel 4.

Best wishes to you all,
Wendy x

Reach YOUR goals!

I wonder, if (like me) you were enthralled and inspired by our achievements on Saturday evening in the Olympic Stadium - it seemed to be a magical night, with gold !medals being won all over the place, and there seemed to be this wonderful close british community feeling, both there in person and at home, willing the athletes on. Particularly inspiring was Jessica Ennis, as she had previously had all sorts of bad luck, injuries and misfortunes, but had come back and been so determined to win that gold in the heptathlon. She didn't even need to win the final race, but the enormous outpouring of love and support seemed to give her wings almost!

I am no sportsperson, but I have really been inspired by these Olympics and the strength of body (and probably more importantly of mind!) of the members of Team GB, and I think that you can take that inspiration into other areas, not just sport.

Very often we can feel that something seems to be unachievable, and we find that our minds become closed to trying to find new ways, new options which will allow us to reach our goals. 

Through my studies of hypnotherapy and NLP and also having had the fantastic privilege of being able to help change the lives of many of my clients, I have seen that it IS possible to reach those challenges.

Through working together to develop positive, realistic goals and by helping the client to deal with whatever limiting beliefs he or she may have, there seems to be a new energy and drive which allows significant progress and then ultimate achievement of that longed for aim, whether this be reaching a healthy weight, feeling confident in the workplace or even perhaps having a good happy relationship with a partner.

If you want to get off those starting blocks and find out how hypnotherapy can help you, do contact me on 01449 780352 or email wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Mentally healthy

I found Channel 4's programmes last week on mental health absolutely fascinating.  It is encouraging that the stigma of mental illness is at last starting to be chipped away at after years of being swept under the carpet, and that we can start to realise that people who have suffered a mental illness can recover, and function really well (often performing better and more creatively than those who have never experienced mental ill health) in society.

In Ruby Wax's programme at the beginning of the week, she disclosed details about her mental illness, and how she had received treatment at the Priory. She then went on to study psychotherapy, and also a relatively new therapy - mindful cognitive behavioural therapy - which she has found a massive help to her. It was discovered that she had had quite a dysfunctional childhood and this may have partly been the cause of her breakdown in later life.  She now seems to have found peace of mind, and has the support of a loving family. Ruby was keen to help three people 'come out' to their colleagues about their mental health issues, and it was very moving to see the reactions of their peers, when they told them about their their illness. Most striking was how empathetic and supportive they were, and the admiration and respect they felt for their  colleague was palpable. 

If we have a physical injury, we do not feel that we have to 'hide' it from others, so why do we need to do this with a mental problem? My belief is that mental illness is much more complex and less understood than physical disorders, and also it is very much bound up with our identity, who we are as a person.  By showing ourselves in our true colours, we risk losing that sense of identity, that persona that we want others to see.

However, I think that it is important to be aware that we are made up of different parts, and this multi-dimensionality is what makes us unique. We can be extremely gifted and confident in certain areas, but at the same time can feel distinctly fallible in others. I am not ashamed to say that I have suffered with depression myself at certain times of my life, but it is my belief that this has shaped the person that I am, and I am also much better suited to help others who are suffering from mental illness.

By being open and honest about mental illness, we can really start to break down the taboo that it has had for so long, and - more importantly - give support and encouragement to those who suffer from it.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Eternal youth?

An article I was reading this week talked about two new scientific discoveries which could delay or even reverse the menopause.  The first technique involves taking tissue from a woman's ovaries pre-menopause and then freezing it, followed by implantation at a later stage.  The second technique uses the woman's stem cells in order to produce revitalised ovarian cells, thus potentially 'growing' new ovaries.

For women who are unable to conceive due to an early menopause, these advances offer significant hope of being able to have a baby.  It would also be true to say that many women would welcome not having to endure the side-effects of the menopause, which include mood swings, flagging libido, weight gain, hot flushes and loss of bone density (to name a few!)

As someone who has not yet had to cope with menopausal symptoms, but is rapidly nearing that time, I am not sure that I would want those extra years of so-called youthfulness.  I speak from the privileged position of having a completed family, and therefore there are no more yearnings for children, and I do realise that it may be different for women who have not been so lucky.  I also understand that some women have to endure the most awful menopause, and for them, foregoing this time in their life would probably be no loss to them.

However, I do think that the menopause marks a stage in a woman's life where she can start to feel much freer, perhaps having packed the last child off to college, maybe considering a new career or hobby, she is able to actively do those things that she wants to do at long last.  Some women report to feeling a surge of energy post-menopause and can really start to look after themselves and devote time to enjoying this period of their lives.  No longer defined by their womanhood, they can become the person they want to be.

For some I do realise that this time of life can seem daunting and scary, particularly if they were very involved with their families and children.  Without this definition of womanhood, they suddenly feel that their bodies, minds and spirits are literally quite empty and so the future is a frightening place.

I feel, however, that this time in a woman's life, can be a real opportunity to change and develop.  Throughout life we go through different phases, and by giving positive thought to this particular stage, in particular really looking after one's health through good nutrition and exercise, listening to what our bodies are telling us, and also starting to plan the life that we want, we can really use this time to our advantage.

Hypnotherapy is excellent at helping to deal with menopausal symptoms, and also helps us to connect with our subconscious in order to discover that sense of peace and contentment which we are all seeking.

Medical science is a wonderful thing, but maybe sometimes we need to let nature take its course.

All the best,
Wendy

Hypnotherapy for OCD

A number of my clients come to me asking for help with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).  This can be an extremely disabling, anxiety-based condition which can totally dominate the person's life.  It can present as a number of different symptoms and rituals, including:

hoarding, saving and collecting things
an obsession with symmetry
repetition
counting
fear of contamination
cleaning and washing
compulsive tidying/ordering
checking
repeating
touching

It is important to realise that many of us have our little quirks and rituals/ways that we do things, and this is perfectly fine, but it is when the rituals and obsessions totally dominate our life, and make it difficult for us to function that there is a problem.

Hypnotherapy can help the client to start to recognise the OCD as meaningless thoughts/feelings which can be ignored.  Gradually, confidence is built once the client finds that he is the one who is in control, and the OCD (just like a bully who soon gets fed up when he does not get the response he is looking for)will start to dissolve away.

The client then experiences that wonderful feeling of strength and freedom, when they realise that they are able to live their lives fully again.

Do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk, if you would like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help you to overcome OCD and indeed many other anxiety-based conditions.

Best wishes,
Wendy

All exam'd out!

Having had one son sitting A levels and the other one doing his GCSEs this year, it was always going to be an interesting couple of months, but I am pleased to say that we have survived it, and can now look forward to receiving those results in August. My youngest sat his final exam yesterday, and so (as promised) I took him to Pizza Hut, where he was allowed to order a pizza 3 times the size of his head.  My other son (and 3 friends) are sampling the delights of Berlin as we speak.

Very often when we look forward to something (in this case the end of exams) there can be a massive anti-climax, and I know that for my boys and their peers this is the case, to a certain extent.  It seemed sometimes that there was no end in sight and I know that many have been counting the days of to their final exam, when they can kick back and relax.  When that day finally comes, there is sometimes a sense of emptiness, as they just feel quite flat.

This can also be the case when we are constantly striving for something which always seems out of our grasp, we tell ourselves that everything will be perfect when we lose the 2 stone, or when we have paid off all the debts, or decorated the whole house.  So, in this way we never quite allow ourselves to live in the present, but always looking to the future to provide us with answers. 

I always advise people that life is for living NOW, not when you have 'emptied the in-tray'. The ability to live every moment fully and with awareness is a skill which, when perfected, can lead to a wonderful sense of peace and contentment.  Like any skill, it needs constant practice but, once mastered, can be truly amazing in its effects.

Many of the clients that I see really enjoy being in the state of hypnosis, as they can start to experience this wonderful sense of peace of just being in the moment, leaving all worries, cares and anxieties outside the door.

If you would like to experience how hypnotherapy can help you to live for today, do come along and see me this Saturday - I will be with my colleagues from the complementary medicine centre at an Open Day at Eye Hospital and would be delighted to chat with you about the work that I do.  If you need to contact me, I am available on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.  I look forward to seeing you!

Oh, and well done all those of you (and their families) who have endured those dreaded exams!

Wendy x

Right to die?

 My heart goes out to Tony Nicklinson, the former doctor suffering 'locked-in' sydrome after a massive stroke in 2005, as he has just had his request for the right to end his life refused by the high court. Tony, a previously very active and very outgoing man who lived his life to the full, has campaigned (along with his family) to have the ability to instruct his GP or another doctor to end his life.  He feels that he has no quality of life at all, and his family are supporting him in his wish for a dignified end. It seems that, for the moment at least, this is a step too far for this country. 
Whatever you feel about this case, it brings home to you how quickly circumstances can change, and how we can find ourselves in situations in which we have very little control.  Life is precious, but I believe that the right to say goodbye if the quality of our life is so poor should be down to the individual, and if, as in Tony's case, he faces possibly another 30 years of this, surely he should be allowed to end his life in a dignified and gentle way, with his family and loved ones around him.

I know that there are many people who will have opposing views to myself, and this is a controversial issue, but it also brings home to the fact that we should be so thankful if we have good health, and live every day to the full as long as we are able.

All the best,
Wendy x

Diamond years

I hope that you have all enjoyed the 4-day weekend in honour of the Queen's jubilee.  Despite slightly dodgy weather, it was lovely to see the whole country come together to celebrate, and there seemed to be a real groundswell of love directed towards the Queen, who, it has to be said, has served her country loyally and well.  For somebody well into her eighties, she seems to be in an excellent state of health and still able to fulfil a punishing work schedule.  Some of you may say that she has had a comparatively easy life with endless privelege and, whilst this may be true, it is still astounding how she carries on year after year, with a determined stoicism, in the service of her country. 

The Queen clearly has a strong sense of duty and purpose, and it is my belief that this is a major factor in keeping well as we approach old age. If our lives lose meaning, we can then find that we feel somehow useless and detached from the community around us.  It is my great privilege to have some older clients, and I find that I am endlessly inspired by them, and the circumstances that they have encountered in their lives.  Depression is actually quite common and little recognised in old age (as it can be mistaken for other conditions), and it is usually a result of a number of factors which can include bereavement, poor physical health, loneliness and loss of purpose.

In my view, the greatest of these is loss of purpose, although some would argue against this.  However I really feel that if somebody has a purpose in life, however trivial this may seem (looking after a beloved pet would count) then this tends to lessen the negative affect of the other difficulties.

Us baby boomers know that we will still be working till a ripe old age, but I do not necessarily think this is a bad thing.  As long as we are able to work, I think we should be allowed to continue.  Obviously a balance needs to be struck, and we should be mindful that we may not be able to do the same hours as we did in our 20s, but there is no reason to stop at 65 if we still feel able to carry on.

Society is changing, people are generally healthier and living for longer and the old days of getting the gold watch and then settling down in slippers to watch the snooker are well and truly over.  Many retired people are finding that, even if they have their health and the support and companionship of a partner, unless they still feel a sense of usefulness (whatever form this may take) then something seems to be missing from their lives.

Evidently, the important thing is to strike a balance - to have time to relax and do those things that are enjoyable for us, and we know that in the case of the Queen it is her family and her love of her dogs and horses - but also to feel that we are still able to contribute to society in some way.


Best wishes to you all,
Wendy x

Sleep tight

A news item published last week in the popular press announced that more and more people were being prescribed sleeping pills.  This is a deeply worrying trend, as these types of drug can tend to be addictive and, unless the medication is accompanied by a course of treatment which tackles the underlying reasons for insomnia, then there is likely to be a dependency on the sleeping tablet.

Hypnotherapy is really effective at helping to establish good quality sleep patterns - I know this, as most of my clients who do not even present with sleep problems, report to having much better sleep after a course of hypnosis.

The therapy itself is extremely relaxing, and with each client that I see, I prepare an individual CD which they can then use before bedtime to help them turn off that 'chattering' part of their mind, and to allow them to slip into a state of deep relaxation.  We can also look at their 'sleep hygiene', and this addresses their diet, lifestyle and their general bedtime routine, in order to flag up possible causes of their insomnia.  In addition, if the client is going through a particularly stressful time, we can look at ways which will help deal with this stress, so that - come night time - these worries and anxieties can be filed away, allowing a healthy, natural sleep to be enjoyed.

If you would like to try a natural, healthy and lasting way to deal with insomnia, please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me at wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

The Human Givens

I am currently studying the work of Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrell, the co-founders of the 'Human Givens' psychotherapy model.  At the heart of this is that, as human beings, we all have physical and emotional needs and these include feeling:

* secure at work, home and in your immediate environment;
* that you both give and receive enough attention;
* that you are in control of your life most of the time;
* part of the wider community;
* able to obtain privacy when you need to;
* that you have an imitate relationship in your life with at least one person (this could be a close friend);
* that you have an emotional connection to others;
* that you have status, which is acknowledged;
* that you are achieving things and that you are competent in at least one major area of your life;
* that you are mentally and/or physically stretched in ways which give you a sense of meaning and purpose

An imbalance in any of these areas is likely to cause symptoms of stress, anxiety, anger, depression and/or addiction and by highlighting areas in your life where your essential needs are not being met you are able to do an effective life audit, which in turn can lead to working out ways that you can put your life back into balance.

This type of therapy is practical, solution-focused and highly effective and I am increasingly incorporating it in my hypnotherapy practice, with excellent results.

If you would like to know more about the Human Givens, or indeed about hypnotherapy in general, please contact me on 01449 780352/0781 7158429, or email me: wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy

A wonderful gift

M'y sincere apologies for not having 'blogged' for several weeks now, but things have been particularly hectic in the Chalk household, with two boys studying for their GCSEs, my husband very busy (and at times needing my help) with his marketing business, my lovely mum and dad requiring occasional help, and also - I am very pleased to say - lots of hypnotherapy clients.

I do feel so very blessed to have such a busy and varied life, but sometimes it is nice to have a few days of peace and quiet, so I have been looking forward to enjoying a little break over Easter.  Mr Chalk and I will therefore be going away just after Easter for several days, but this is a mini-break with a difference.

We have both been on the Anthony Nolan bone marrow donor list for some years, but to date have not been matched as a prospective donor to a leukaemia sufferer. However, last November the Anthony Nolan organisation contacted Mr Chalk, informing him that he could be a prospective match, and after lots of tests, medicals and form-filling, it is all now going ahead, so I will be accompanying him to the London Clinic next week to have his bone marrow harvested and given to someone on the list.  We are not allowed to know the details of the recipient at present, but I believe that after a period of time and if the recipient wishes it, some contact can be made.

It is a fairly straight forward process these days, and Mr Chalk does not have to have a general anaesthetic, as the bone marrow is drawn intravenously.  However, he will have to have a significant number of injections beforehand, in order to stimulate the stem cells.  These injections will have the effect of making him feel as though he has a mild case of flu. As Mr Chalk says, this will be nothing compared to what the recipient has had to go through.

Nevertheless, we are all very proud of him and I couldn't think of a nicer way to spend a few days holiday this easter time than helping my husband to provide this wonderful gift to someone in need.

Take care everyone,

Wendy x

Well-medicated?

I was sad to read about the fact that earlier in the year the lovely Ronnie Corbett had been diagnosed with depression, after having been ill over Christmas.  Apparently he had had a knee operation before Christmas, and then collapsed in a restaurant due to low blood pressure.  This had the effect of making him feel quite anxious and fragile, so his GP sent him to a psychiatrist at the Priory in London.  It was actually found that the medication that he was on was causing him these symptoms, and happily the psychiatrist found little that was wrong with Ronnie that couldn't be sorted out by an adjustment of his medication and some rest.

Very often I see people who are on a whole cocktail of different drugs, and whilst I acknowledge the fact that some of these may be absolutely necessary for certain conditions and in fact keeping the person alive, I do feel that in some cases GPs have a tendency to dish out drugs when they are not really needed.  My brother works as an ENT specialist, and he could not understand why he was having more and more people (particularly the elderly) presenting with nose bleeds.  He then realised it was because many of them were being prescribed aspirin and/or warfarin and so there was an increased tendency to bleed more easily.

There have been wonderful advances in drug therapy, particularly when it comes to life-threatening illnesses like cancer or indeed devastating life-limiting conditions such as alzheimers.  It is evident that research and funding into these types of drugs should be encouraged, and the drugs themselves should be readily available to those who need them, but I do wonder about the wisdom of GPs doling out drugs, when maybe (given further examination and advice on the patient's lifestyle, diet and circumstances) they are not strictly necessary.

It is rare that I have a client who is taking no medication at all, and some are taking drugs to counteract the side effects of the other drugs they are taking.  Surely, this is a ridiculous situation?

You may have particular views on this issue - I would very much welcome your comments.  Please do email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Eating disorders

This week is Eating Disorders Awareness week.  So many families seem to be touched in some way by an eating disorder, whether this is anorexia, bulimia or perhaps overeating, and fortunately the government now seem to be finally waking up to the fact that more has to be done to help people in this situation.

When I see a client with an eating disorder, it very often tends to have been triggered off by an emotional or upsetting event, perhaps occurring in childhood or adolescence.  This has invariably lead to a need to have some form of control, and so in the case of anorexia it can mean severely controlling the amount of food which is eaten, and also possibly accompanied by a compulsion to exercise, so that the person becomes dangerously thin and their general health suffers.  In the case of someone with bulimia, or a compulsion to overeat, there is a need to control or dampen down strong emotions, and this is done by eating vast quantities of (usually) high calorie, nutrient-poor food.  With eating disorders, sometimes there may be a history of abuse, but this is not always the case.  There may also be relationship difficulties with one or other parent, but again, every case is different.

Hypnotherapy can be very effective in dealing with eating disorders.  We tend to work first of all on identifying the root cause and dealing with the emotions that relate to this, and then building up self-esteem and confidence.  Sometimes progress is slow, but it is important that the client is given the resources to begin to feel better about themselves.  My treatment would not involve going into detail on the food aspect of the disorder, as I believe that this is merely the symptom, and not the root issue which has caused the disorder in the first place.

If you feel that you may be suffering from an eating disorder, and believe that hypnotherapy could help, please call me for a chat.  My number is 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429.  Or you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Big birthdays

As Mr Chalk and myself are celebrating our 50th birthdays this year, we had been pondering on what to do to mark this quite special milestone.   Do we have a party and invite friends and family?  Do we take the boys on a wonderful holiday? Do we go somewhere exotic ourselves?

Well, call us selfish if you want, but we have opted for the latter, and have just booked a 2-week break later in the year in Bali and I am really excited about it.  I am sure that many people will feel that it is not quite the thing to just slope off somewhere lovely, just the two of us, but - as we saying the other day - now we are getting older we seem to have developed a 'do what we want to do' mentality (within reason of course).  This does not mean that we are neglecting our nearest and dearest at all, but we know the value of treating ourselves once in a while.  To borrow that quote from a well-known beauty brand 'Because we're worth it'.

Its funny but just lately I feel a real shift in my thinking towards trusting my own intuition more, and doing what seems right and natural.  This may be as simple as going for comfort when it comes to clothes, to doing things that maybe I wouldn't have done before, because I felt that it wasn't for me.   I feel more a sense of freedom, a need to follow my own path, and not be hypnotised by what society tells me I should or shouldn't do.  I'm not sure if this comes from the feeling that, the older you get, life seems to race by even faster, and the sense of your own mortality is much more sharply in focus.

But, in the same way that I feel the need to 'plough my own furrow' as it were, I also feel a need to contribute in some way, and I am so grateful that my career gives me the opportunity to help people to change their lives, as this gives my life a meaning that it otherwise would not have.  As always, its all about achieving a balance.

Perhaps you are approaching a milestone birthday, and its making you re-assess things.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  Do contact me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Wendy x

Diets don't work

I have just finished reading 'Diets don't work' by Bob Schwarz, and it has made for fascinating reading.  Schwarz challenges the idea that the only way to become slim is to follow endless diets, and actually maintains that by doing this, we end up becoming fatter than we were in the beginning.

It does seem to be the case that ever since the diet industry began in earnest (1970s) we have been getting fatter.  The obesity crisis seems to have reached epidemic levels, with more and more people seriously overweight and resorting to bariatric surgery (gastric by-passes or bands).  Many of the clients who come to me with weight issues tend to be people who have tried every diet going, been to slimming clubs or tried meal replacement diets, and they have ended up even more overweight.

It is true that following a diet which is fairly low in calories will result in weight loss, AS LONG AS YOU STICK TO IT.   The problem is that, as soon as you revert to your normal eating habits, you will generally put the weight back on, and often more.  With many people caught in this vicious cycle of dieting and then overeating, it is no wonder that we have an obesity crisis on our hands.  The other thing that happens when people go on strict diets is that their metabolism slows right down, and so they are no longer burning off the calories at a reasonable rate.  What then happens when they eat 'normally' is that the metabolic rate is so slow, that the weight goes back on really quickly.

Schwarz advises that to become naturally thin, you simply need to follow these steps:

eat when you are hungry
stop when you are full
eat what you want to eat, not what you think you should eat
eat consciously and enjoy every mouthful

I think that the problem is, this is almost too simple.  People feel that losing weight should not be that easy, that it should be punishing, difficult and involve sacrifice and this is one of the reasons why many people still sign up for the diets and the slimming clubs.

The idea of actually starting to tune into your body's natural hunger signals seems revolutionary, particularly as we tend to eat for many other reasons beside actual hunger - when we are happy, sad, angry, irritated, tired, lonely, bored - and I think that this is the key to lasting slimness.  Once we can address the emotional aspects of our relationship with food, then we can start to be aware of eating patterns that are keeping us overweight.

Being able to finally realise that what you have been doing to your body in the form of dieting and then usually followed by overeating is tremendously liberating, and actually starting to listen to your body, and its hunger signals can be the beginning of a whole new you, healthier, fitter and naturally slim.

If you would like to find out how hypnotherapy can help you to finally put an end to dieting, and discover the freedom of eating the way that nature intended, do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158421, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Testing times

With one boy doing A levels and the other doing GCSEs this year, I am all too aware of the pressure on young people these days and it makes me so angry when people talk about dumbing down of standards.  I am a graduate but can honestly say that a lot of what my boys are studying is way over my head, and the fact that they are constantly assessed in school from the age of 7 means that there is this relentless need to perform to certain standards.

I have also noticed that exams are continually retaken in order to improve grades, and I do wonder if this is in the student's interest or the school's.  It seems that league tables are the absolute be-all-and-end-all, without there being a focus on a more rounded education, or the social/psychological well-being of the children.

My youngest son brought home a letter from school the other day, asking for our permission to let him resit a science exam as he had only obtained a 'B' grade.  Well in my book a 'B' is actually fairly good, so we have told him that he does not need to resit unless he feels it is necessary.  He is not intending to do astro-physics as a career, so I feel that it would be better for him to not have this extra pressure.

I strongly believe that testing children regularly from an early age is counterproductive and stifles their natural creativity.  The wonderful Steiner schools have the philosophy that the more children are allowed free rein to play, draw, create and just use their imagine, the better they will learn and also the happier they will be.  Without being forced to learn, they tend to develop a natural curiosity about life which means that, when they are ready, they can soak up learning like a sponge.

To illustrate my point a little more, my eldest son started learning the piano when he was 13 - this was to be a diversion for him, so no grades or exams, no complicated set pieces to learn, just for his amusement.  Without any pressure on him, he has come to love the piano so much over the past five years - and this has been partly due to the enthusiasm of his wonderful teacher, Ken - that he decided he wants to make a career in it, as a jazz pianist.  After having not sat any piano exams at all, he took his Grade 8 last year (as he needed this to get to music college) and passed with flying colours.   It is my firm belief that by letting him do something that he wanted to do, but not forcing him to do exams, has enabled his love of the instrument to emerge.   Obviously, it would be impossible to abolish exams and testing, but I really feel that children would thrive more in an environment where there was less restriction and pressure on them (and also on their teachers).

Maybe you have some comments on this subject.  I would be really pleased to hear from you, so do email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Hypnotherapy as a first resort

Many of the clients I see tend to consider hypnotherapy as a last resort - very often they have tried absolutely everything else and nothing has worked, so they contact a hypnotherapist in desperation to finally find a solution to their problem.  I am not sure why this is, but perhaps it is because hypnosis and hypnotherapy still has echoes of the dodgy character swinging the watch on a chain, urging the client to fall into a 'deep, deep sleep' and thereby losing complete control of what he is doing or saying.

If this is the case then it is not wonder that many people are still quite reluctant to seek the help of a hypnotherapist.  The idea of losing control would be very scary to a lot of people, and this would definitely put them off, if this is their perception of the hypnotherapeutic process.

In reality the experience of hypnotherapy is not at all like this, and in fact many people I see are actually quite surprised that they still feel 'conscious' and very much aware of what is going on around them.  In addition, they are totally in control at all times and able to come back to full alertness if they want to.

In reality, being hypnotised is quite simply being guided into a very relaxed state, where you feel as if you are having a little daydream, or perhaps just about to drop off to sleep, but strangely at the same time, almost 'hyperfocussed'.   Your subconscious mind (that is, the creative and imaginative part of your mind which stores all your memories and experiences) is switched on, and thus able to absorb all the positive and helpful suggestions given by the hypnotherapist.  And there is no need to remember it all, as it is all very deeply embedded in the subconscious mind.

And the added bonus, besides being able to deal directly with the problem in question, is that the hypnosis session makes you feel very calm and relaxed, giving the body and mind a wonderful, therapeutic rest.

So, next time there is something which you (or a family member) are suffering from, and which has an emotional or psychological root cause, consider hypnotherapy as your first resort, not your last.

If you would like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help you, please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,
Wendy

Hypnotherapy for weight loss

Yesterday, outside Parliament, a group called 'Endangered Bodies' launched a protest against dieting, part of a campaign called 'Ditching Dieting' which aims to alert MPs and the public to the way in which the dieting industry 'destabilises women's and girls' appetites and desires'.  This was timed to coincide with a parliamentary enquiry into the causes and consequences of body image anxiety.

The group argues that the multi-million pound dieting industry thrives on women actually failing to keep weight lost, as they then have to continue to attend slimming clubs and follow diets for most of their lives.  Very often, they claim, the women actually end up weighing more than they started, in fact their research has shown that 95% of diets fail with people putting lost weight back on, and even increasing to more than their pre-diet weight, within a 5-year period.

The slimming clubs are in the business of making money and it is evident that it would not be in their interest to make everyone slim in one fell swoop and for this weight to be kept off, as they would then go out of business.  One of the slimming clubs made a claim with their latest diet plan (this time last year) 'lose weight for the last time' and I must admit that it did make me laugh, as if their claim was true, then I think that their shareholders would have had something to say about it!

I think the great flaw in diets and slimming clubs is that many women are 'good' whilst on the diet, but as soon as they come off it they revert back to old habits, and so put the weight (and much more) back on.  And, cynically, this is where the slimming clubs have their draw, enticing the women back again and again in order to reach the shape and weight they feel they should be (or, more accurately, what the media/dieting industry tells them they should be).

My argument has always been that once you limit yourself to certain diets or food plans, this means that you actually become obsessive about food, and much more inclined to binge on the bad stuff.  I think that if you can really listen to your body and get back in touch with the feeling of actually being hungry, you will then start to develop a much more healthy relationship with food, as opposed to saying 'well its 12.30 now, so I will have my cup-a-soup and my salad'.   And, if you fancy certain foods that are more fattening, then eat them, but limit the amount that you have.

I must admit that I have spent years in the past being on every kind of diet, and ending up putting all the weight back on.  It was only when, through hypnotherapy, I found out the root cause of my overweight, that I managed to start eating healthily and feeling good about myself.   I will never be a size 8, but I have accepted that this is not my shape, and happy to hover between a 12 and 14.   I love food and cooking, and feel much happier not depriving myself of anything anymore.  And, for the past 10 years, my weight has more or less remained the same, after having had just one course of hypnotherapy treatment.

Hypnotherapy is so effective at both finding out the initial reason why you put on weight in the first place, then through suggestion helping you to get back in touch with your body, to actually want to eat healthily and take more exercise, and also to build up your self-esteem and confidence, so that you will be much less likely to binge.  It may be that the weight loss is very slow, but in this way it is much more likely that the weight will stay off, for good.

If you would like to find out more about hypnotherapy for weight loss, do contact me on 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Declutter your mind

My apologies for the lack of a blog these past couple of weeks, but (like many others) I have been struck down by a nasty bug which does not seem to want to relinquish its hold.  I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of a cold snap which will kill all those nasty little microbes - it has been far too warm so far this winter I think you'll agree.

Anyway I hope that you are managing to survive January, whether you are in the throes of dieting, giving up alcohol, starting a new fitness routine or simply just getting through!

My attention has been drawn to the TV chef, Antony Worrall-Thompson, being convicted for shop-lifting.  At first glance, it seems to be quite puzzling in that he is a wealthy man with no actual need to steal goods.  I am also reminded of the fact that the film star, Winona Ryder, was arrested for shoplifting in Beverley Hills some years ago, so why do these apparently well-off celebrities risk their reputations and careers by stealing?

As with certain types of negative, anti-social behaviour, there can usually be found a deep-seated emotional issue which has not been resolved.  It is clear that Worrall-Thompson has had an extremely difficult and abusive past, and felt abandoned as a child.  However, he has said that he has never had therapy and in my opinion, it is only a matter of time until these sorts of issues will manifest themselves in all manner of ways, shoplifting being one of them.  Sometimes it may be felt that the shoplifter has been wronged, and the stealing is one way that they can take back what they had been deprived of in their childhood.   It could also indicate a need to feel 'in control', when perhaps other things are going wrong in their life.  Worrall-Thompson has had a stressful time of late, having had to deal with business failure, the death of two friends and giving up smoking.  These types of stresses can have a cumulative effect and taken together, can push people over the edge.  It is almost like a pressure-cooker (excuse the cooking metaphor) but you cannot keep the lid on emotional turmoil forever, eventually something has to give.

Worrall-Thompson has said that he now knows that he needs help, and this is very promising.  I find, in my work as a hypnotherapist, that very often the client exhibits specific symptoms and behaviours, and it is only when we go back (regress) to their childhood and adolescence that the root cause can be found.  By looking at particular events that happened in their youth, re-working them and looking at them from their current adult perspective, the client can then feel lighter, freer and much more optimistic about the future.  It is almost like a 'de-cluttering' session for the mind, and it does sometime involve an outpouring of emotion, but until this is performed, the client will tend to repeat the same negative patterns again and again.

If you would like to explore this aspect of hypnotherapy, do please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

All the best,
Wendy x