In last night's 'One Born Every Minute' on Channel 4, the wonderful 'fly-on-the-wall' series set in Princess Anne Maternity Hospital, Southampton, there were a couple - Caroline and Chris Pike - who had tried for a family through IVF many times but without success. Finally, they found themselves pregnant with triplets, but one of their babies was much smaller than the others, and so the couple were advised to deliver at seven months. A planned caesarean turned into an emergency procedure as the little one was becoming distressed, and unfortunately for Chris, he did not quite make it in time to see the 3 boys being born.
I have to say that I found the whole programme incredibly moving - the couple were so looking forward to being a family, and they had made all the preparations. It was such a pity that little William had to stay in the neo-natal unit for 5 months, after Chris and Caroline had taken the other 2 boys home.
I could share in the angst of this couple as myself and my husband went through IVF treatment ourselves and I can understand Caroline when she was describing how she felt at the thought of being childless. It is quite the most unbearable level of stress as initially there is the thought of never being able to have a family, whilst continually reminded that for other people it seems to be effortless. I remember being quite ashamed of myself for feeling utter resentment of when I saw what I judged to be 'unsuitable' prospective parents - how dare they have children so easily, when I, much better qualified to be a mother, was destined to be childless?
Then there is the endless round of treatment, which is quite hideous in itself, involving regular deep muscle injections, vaginal scans, egg retrieval (not knowing if eggs are healthy or viable) and then re-implantation of embryos (if you made it to that stage).
Then the waiting.
I think, for me, this was the worst part, as every little sign seems to be an indication that you are not pregnant. We were, in actual fact, extremely lucky as I fell pregnant with twins on my first round of IVF, unfortunately one of the twins died fairly early on in the pregnancy. After 37 very anxious months, we had Oliver, who is now 17 and, it must be said, thriving. To our surprise, Joe came along 2 years later, quite naturally. And I realise that we have indeed been blessed.
Anybody who has not suffered the pain of infertility cannot possibly understand the trauma that this brings to many couples. This is why I believe that IVF treatment should be accompanied by relaxation/meditation classes, in order to help the couple through the ordeal.
A survey carried out in 2004 found that women who underwent hypnosis as part of their treatment were twice as likely to conceive as those who did not and I very much believe that women who are more relaxed may be more likely to conceive as fertility depends on the womb being strong and protective, in order to receive the embryo. I will never forget one of the doctors in the fertility clinic telling us to 'look after the accommodation' and this, I felt was a lovely way of expressing it, as I could then imagine my womb as a homely, warm and cosy nest, for my baby to grow in. This was a very strong visualisation that I carried with me throughout the pregnancy. I was also very fortunate in that we could afford for me to give up work at the time, so I could just relax and look after myself. I am sure that this all helped our chances of conception and ultimately a healthy baby.
If you are considering going through IVF, and would like to explore how hypnotherapy could help you deal with the stress of this treatment, I would be happy to talk to you. Please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429 or alternatively, email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
All the best little William Pike.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Thursday, 24 March 2011
A big issue
I am dismayed to read that spending on gastric bands in Suffolk has soared in the last 3 years and last year was nearly £500,000. I know that the medical profession is insistent that this is potentially the only 'life-saving' solution in certain cases, but in my view an operation which is so expensive and carries grave and disturbing risks, such as deep vein thrombosis, blood clots, blockage of the stomach outlet, infection, bleeding and in a few cases, death, should be performed very rarely. However, it now seems that, in certain cases, people are deliberately putting on weight in order to reach the BMI needed to have a gastric band fitted. This is a quite ludicrous, not to say dangerous situation, when there are other alternatives.
I will not deny that the obesity problem needs to be adressed - we are rapidly heading into a crisis situation, with many youngsters now being classed as overweight and obese. What really concerns me is that some children are now being considered for gastric banding, and so this potentially deadly surgery is being performed on youngsters whose problems have been caused by negligent parents.
When clients come to me with weight issues, I explain that it is really quite simple - being overweight is the result of eating too much and exercising too little, very rarely is obesity caused by a purely medical condition.
Of course the real problem is that, usually, the client has been using food for emotional comfort and not simply as a source of sustenance.
Hypnotherapy and NLP can help the client to get to the root problem as to why they are overeating, and can also develop and reinforce better lifestyle habits, such as regular exercise and eating smaller and healthier food portions. No food is out of bounds, but there is a natural tendency to be drawn towards healthy, nutritious food, as the client discovers how much better he feels by cutting out the junk.
I am ever hopeful that the NHS and the medical profession will one day start to consider this type of treatment as much safer, more practical, cheaper and in the long-term more successful at helping people to develop better, healthier lifestyles, rather than resorting to this, expensive, dangerous surgery.
If you have a weight issue, and you would like to discuss hypnotherapy treatment for this, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429 or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
I will not deny that the obesity problem needs to be adressed - we are rapidly heading into a crisis situation, with many youngsters now being classed as overweight and obese. What really concerns me is that some children are now being considered for gastric banding, and so this potentially deadly surgery is being performed on youngsters whose problems have been caused by negligent parents.
When clients come to me with weight issues, I explain that it is really quite simple - being overweight is the result of eating too much and exercising too little, very rarely is obesity caused by a purely medical condition.
Of course the real problem is that, usually, the client has been using food for emotional comfort and not simply as a source of sustenance.
Hypnotherapy and NLP can help the client to get to the root problem as to why they are overeating, and can also develop and reinforce better lifestyle habits, such as regular exercise and eating smaller and healthier food portions. No food is out of bounds, but there is a natural tendency to be drawn towards healthy, nutritious food, as the client discovers how much better he feels by cutting out the junk.
I am ever hopeful that the NHS and the medical profession will one day start to consider this type of treatment as much safer, more practical, cheaper and in the long-term more successful at helping people to develop better, healthier lifestyles, rather than resorting to this, expensive, dangerous surgery.
If you have a weight issue, and you would like to discuss hypnotherapy treatment for this, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429 or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
Friday, 18 March 2011
Be what you want to be
This morning I had breakfast with Dr Who and Rocky Balboa. The Dr had his usual fare of crunchy nut clusters, filled to the brim and Rocky had chocolate spread on toast (more chocolate spread than toast). There were the usual grunty comments, demands for money, school letters etc. before I pushed them out of the door to the bus stop.
Even though my boys are now a few inches taller than me and have deep voices, I am still really glad that they like dressing up in character. When they were little this was an endless source of amusement and we had many themed parties, where guests were asked to dress up. And it still seems that any excuse for fancy dress (like Red Nose Day) prompts them to get creative, in spite of teenage reserve and angst, and just go for it.
So today we had the 'new' Dr Who complete with bow tie, tweed jacket and sonic screwdriver and Rocky Balboa in stripy shorts and white robe, with a nice mauve eye.
We live in a country village, so these two must have looked quite a sight walking to where the bus stops near the church.
I often have clients who come to me wishing that they could be more confident, articulate, assertive etc. etc. but they feel that this is not 'them' - they have never been like 'that sort of person' and they never will be. My response to this is to suggest that they actually imagine how it really feels to be that person that they want to be, use their creativity, and work out in detail what that person would do and say, how they would behave. In NLP this is called 'modelling' and its basic premise is that by literally acting 'as if' you are a person whose qualities you would like to have, you CAN assume those qualities for yourself. It does take practice, but the more you 'act out' a certain role, the more you become that person. So, for example, if there is a particular individual who you admire, be this a celebrity or somebody you know and respect, really notice how they behave, their traits, their mannerisms (obviously without resulting to stalking them!) and by doing this, you can have those qualities yourself. The more you practice, the more they will become part of you.
Writing this blog, there's a song that keeps coming into my mind 'Be what you want to be' - I think that its by 'The Mamas and the Papas' - and by practicing this NLP technique, you can literally be the person that you know you really want to be. The only limit is your imagination.
For further advice on how to fulfil your potential, please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
I'm not promising time travel (although in a strange sort of way hypnotherapy can transport you back through time) or a world champion boxing title, but what you will discover is that you are free to be whatever and whoever you want.
Even though my boys are now a few inches taller than me and have deep voices, I am still really glad that they like dressing up in character. When they were little this was an endless source of amusement and we had many themed parties, where guests were asked to dress up. And it still seems that any excuse for fancy dress (like Red Nose Day) prompts them to get creative, in spite of teenage reserve and angst, and just go for it.
So today we had the 'new' Dr Who complete with bow tie, tweed jacket and sonic screwdriver and Rocky Balboa in stripy shorts and white robe, with a nice mauve eye.
We live in a country village, so these two must have looked quite a sight walking to where the bus stops near the church.
I often have clients who come to me wishing that they could be more confident, articulate, assertive etc. etc. but they feel that this is not 'them' - they have never been like 'that sort of person' and they never will be. My response to this is to suggest that they actually imagine how it really feels to be that person that they want to be, use their creativity, and work out in detail what that person would do and say, how they would behave. In NLP this is called 'modelling' and its basic premise is that by literally acting 'as if' you are a person whose qualities you would like to have, you CAN assume those qualities for yourself. It does take practice, but the more you 'act out' a certain role, the more you become that person. So, for example, if there is a particular individual who you admire, be this a celebrity or somebody you know and respect, really notice how they behave, their traits, their mannerisms (obviously without resulting to stalking them!) and by doing this, you can have those qualities yourself. The more you practice, the more they will become part of you.
Writing this blog, there's a song that keeps coming into my mind 'Be what you want to be' - I think that its by 'The Mamas and the Papas' - and by practicing this NLP technique, you can literally be the person that you know you really want to be. The only limit is your imagination.
For further advice on how to fulfil your potential, please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
I'm not promising time travel (although in a strange sort of way hypnotherapy can transport you back through time) or a world champion boxing title, but what you will discover is that you are free to be whatever and whoever you want.
Thursday, 10 March 2011
Balancing Act
Last week I wrote about the likely future increase of male depression, due in part to the 'mancession' with the economy claiming many mens' jobs, and consequently their roles and identities within their family and the wider society.
Whilst it would be wrong to generalise, it seems to me that female depression tends to have as it source the need to 'do everything, and do it perfectly'. So, typically, this would involve working full time, caring for children/elderly parents, doing the housework, whilst at the same time keeping a size 10 figure. Many of the women I see claim to be feeling absolutely exhausted, depressed and stressed out, and is it any wonder?
A new book recently published 'Dutch Women Don't Get Depressed' reveals that Dutch women seem to have found a much better work/life balance, compared to their European sisters. The main reason for this seems to be that the majority of them (68%) work part-time. They consequently earn much less, but their quality of life appears to be that much more fulfilling as they have time to care for family, study, read and see friends. And it is not just women with young families who are in this category, but also childless women in their 20s and 30s. They do no seem to place as much importance in material possessions, but instead value their free time much more. Often, this kind of set up involves depending more on their partners for finance, but they would deny that this is old-fashioned and in fact claim that it makes for much less stress within the relationship. To them, this financial dependance does not make them less of a person in their own right, and they assert that they enjoy modern, well-balanced relationships. The very low Dutch divorce rate would seem to bear this out.
Kirsty Young bemoaned the fact recently that people (both male and female) are often defined by the jobs that they do. Dutch women would seem to refute this, claiming that women can lead fulfilling and interesting lives that do not just consist of work. Even highly educated Dutch women would not regard their career as the most important thing in their lives, but instead are spending time on developing 'themselves' - perhaps devoting time to learning new skills, or spending it with family and friends.
Whilst I fully realise that working part-time is not a luxury that all of us can afford, I often advise people to really look at their work/life balance, and see if there are ways that they could manage to cut down some of their outgoings in order to be able to work less. Having more time to spend on the things that really matter is worth so much more - I believe - than having a bit more cash to spend.
If you are feeling that your life lacks balance and would like some help, do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
Whilst it would be wrong to generalise, it seems to me that female depression tends to have as it source the need to 'do everything, and do it perfectly'. So, typically, this would involve working full time, caring for children/elderly parents, doing the housework, whilst at the same time keeping a size 10 figure. Many of the women I see claim to be feeling absolutely exhausted, depressed and stressed out, and is it any wonder?
A new book recently published 'Dutch Women Don't Get Depressed' reveals that Dutch women seem to have found a much better work/life balance, compared to their European sisters. The main reason for this seems to be that the majority of them (68%) work part-time. They consequently earn much less, but their quality of life appears to be that much more fulfilling as they have time to care for family, study, read and see friends. And it is not just women with young families who are in this category, but also childless women in their 20s and 30s. They do no seem to place as much importance in material possessions, but instead value their free time much more. Often, this kind of set up involves depending more on their partners for finance, but they would deny that this is old-fashioned and in fact claim that it makes for much less stress within the relationship. To them, this financial dependance does not make them less of a person in their own right, and they assert that they enjoy modern, well-balanced relationships. The very low Dutch divorce rate would seem to bear this out.
Kirsty Young bemoaned the fact recently that people (both male and female) are often defined by the jobs that they do. Dutch women would seem to refute this, claiming that women can lead fulfilling and interesting lives that do not just consist of work. Even highly educated Dutch women would not regard their career as the most important thing in their lives, but instead are spending time on developing 'themselves' - perhaps devoting time to learning new skills, or spending it with family and friends.
Whilst I fully realise that working part-time is not a luxury that all of us can afford, I often advise people to really look at their work/life balance, and see if there are ways that they could manage to cut down some of their outgoings in order to be able to work less. Having more time to spend on the things that really matter is worth so much more - I believe - than having a bit more cash to spend.
If you are feeling that your life lacks balance and would like some help, do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Man up
The British Journal of Psychiatry reports that there will inevitably be rise in incidents of male depression over the years to come, as increasingly men struggle with the shift away from traditional male/female roles.
Male identity tends to be tied up in work, so with the economic crisis meaning widespread job losses, many men are finding that losing their job can have a devastating effect on self-esteem and confidence. This obviously can apply equally to women who are made redundant, but on the whole it seems that men are much less likely to seek help when they have depression, feeling that this indicates a sign of weakness.
In addition young adult males who are not in any form of employment or training and also possibly lack a positive male role model in their lives are at much greater risk of suffering from depression, and resorting to 'self-medicating' with drink and/or drugs.
I have written in previous columns the importance of having a role throughout your life, and this article seems to me to underline this.
What I believe society needs to do is to make sure that people are encouraged to accept that many different roles and family set-ups are valid. The importance of family must be stressed, with emphasis on the fact that putting time and effort into being a good dad reaps the best rewards. It is also essential that, in this period of uncertainty in the economy, we make sure that everyone has access to sound financial advice and help. Giving information about relevant training courses and education is also necessary, along with making it simple and easy to sign up for volunteer work.
Above all, men should be encouraged to talk about their problems with a professional and to realise that this is not a sign of weakness, but is actually very healthy as by seeking help sooner rather than later, there is every chance that they will be able to feel much better about themselves.
It is possible that depression can be caused by circumstances (loss of job, relationship break-up etc.) or by past issues - even going back to early childhood - which have not been resolved, and which continue to cause low self-esteem and negative behaviour patterns.
My treatment involves the use of hypnotherapy to take you back to any earlier events or issues which may be continuing to cause pain, and shedding new light on these so their power to cause problems is eliminated. We also look at creating realistic, achievable goals and finding practical ways in which you can achieve these.
If you feel that either you or your partner are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, please contact me in confidence on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
Male identity tends to be tied up in work, so with the economic crisis meaning widespread job losses, many men are finding that losing their job can have a devastating effect on self-esteem and confidence. This obviously can apply equally to women who are made redundant, but on the whole it seems that men are much less likely to seek help when they have depression, feeling that this indicates a sign of weakness.
In addition young adult males who are not in any form of employment or training and also possibly lack a positive male role model in their lives are at much greater risk of suffering from depression, and resorting to 'self-medicating' with drink and/or drugs.
I have written in previous columns the importance of having a role throughout your life, and this article seems to me to underline this.
What I believe society needs to do is to make sure that people are encouraged to accept that many different roles and family set-ups are valid. The importance of family must be stressed, with emphasis on the fact that putting time and effort into being a good dad reaps the best rewards. It is also essential that, in this period of uncertainty in the economy, we make sure that everyone has access to sound financial advice and help. Giving information about relevant training courses and education is also necessary, along with making it simple and easy to sign up for volunteer work.
Above all, men should be encouraged to talk about their problems with a professional and to realise that this is not a sign of weakness, but is actually very healthy as by seeking help sooner rather than later, there is every chance that they will be able to feel much better about themselves.
It is possible that depression can be caused by circumstances (loss of job, relationship break-up etc.) or by past issues - even going back to early childhood - which have not been resolved, and which continue to cause low self-esteem and negative behaviour patterns.
My treatment involves the use of hypnotherapy to take you back to any earlier events or issues which may be continuing to cause pain, and shedding new light on these so their power to cause problems is eliminated. We also look at creating realistic, achievable goals and finding practical ways in which you can achieve these.
If you feel that either you or your partner are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, please contact me in confidence on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.
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